So Far Away
by GraveDancer
Summary: A series of letters, emails and IMs between Meredith and Derek and the rest of the characters. MerDer obviously.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: So Meredith and Derek had 5 seconds of screen time together tonight. Needless to say, if I owned Grey's Anatomy that would not be the case. So therefore I don't own Grey's. Not that I didn't love tonight's episode, because I did, but a little Mer/Der never hurt anyone.**

**So this is it … my new fic. It's going to be . . .different. Not in a bad way different, at least I hope not in a bad way. It's obviously Meredith and Derek, because I don't write anything but Meredith and Derek. The big difference is how it's told. The whole entire thing is going to be a collection of letter, emails and IM conversations between them and other characters. That's how I'm telling this story.**

**Length? Undetermined. I'm going to keep writing this story till I feel like it's been told. Some of the chapters will be long, some will be really short, so it will be kind of all over the place. **

**This one will be updated often right now, for the next two weeks hopefully every night. Come 2 weeks I'm done school for the semester and with my 3 weeks off plan on starting another fic. So than it might be changed to every second night or something. We'll see.**

**Anyway. Hope you enjoy.**

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Dear Derek,

I love you.

But you're an idiot.

I know I said I was fine with your wonderfully brilliant plan to leave Seattle for a year. That I understood your need to take some time to give back to the world before we settled down and had children. I know I said that Doctors Without Borders would be a good thing to get involved with. I know I said that I support you one hundred percent. I know I made it sound like I don't care. But the thing is, I do.

I do care.

I didn't think I did.

You've now been gone for two weeks. And I'm falling apart, Derek. I didn't think I was that kind of girl, I don't want to be this kind of girl. I thought I could live without seeing you every day. But the thing is, I don't think I can. Because waking up in a bed that feels more than a little empty is killing me.

Can you come home?

I didn't write that last comment, I didn't. And I know this is a letter but I can't bring myself to go back and delete it, because well, I just can't. I'm sure you understand. The words just bubbled out of my fingers as I was typing and I don't have the willpower to highlight them and hit delete. And if those words annoy you, well just blame them on the insanity of your girlfriend. Because right now I'm definitely having one of my insanity moments. Just ask Joe. He's giving me those weird looks again, like he did when I was knitting.

And what may I ask you, is so strange about a girl on a laptop in a bar?

He says hi by the way. Joe.

Sorry for the rambling. How one can ramble in a letter I'm not sure, but I'm managing it. You're probably laughing as you read this. I just haven't been feeling like myself recently.

I think it's because I don't have you.

Well I have you, I just don't have you, it's complicated. But you know that.

Okay, I have a purpose behind my letter, I do.

Here's the thing. I love you. And I know I've said that before. Plenty of times. But I think now is the time to make it clear. I love you. You're it for me Derek Shepherd. It as in no one can come after you. No one came before you. I look at the couples who think they're so in love, and can't help feeling sorry for them. Because they don't know love. I l know love. Because I have you. And you're it.

I didn't mean to feel this way. When I picked you up in this bar. I thought I was going to be sleep with you and be done with you.

(Damn, I'm crying. In the middle of Joe's. I blame this on you as well. Since you've been gone I've been an emotional wreck.)

I didn't expect to be the one that was done.

And when we hit that, well nothing short of a train wreck, I thought that was it for us. I wanted it to be it for us. But I couldn't let it end. I couldn't let you walk away.

Now here we are a year later.

I'm in a bar pouring my heart out in a letter.

And you're in Africa, treating sick kids and making the world a better place.

So in short, I'm waiting for you. I know you asked if I would. And I'm not sure if my answer was clear amongst all the yelling and crying and throwing things. But I am, I'm waiting.

When you come back in 52 weeks, there will still be a place for you in my bed.

Don't worry about a place in my heart, it's with you in Africa.

See not only insane, ranting and emotional, also cheesy. I hate you, Derek, I really do. Thanks for doing this to me. I used to a cool girl, I used to sneer my lip at people like me. Thanks for ruining me. I hate you.

But I love you.

Yours ForeverMeredith

_So far away, doesn't anyone stay in one place anymore . . ._

**So there it was, my first chapter.**

**I know a lot of you are probably scratching your heads right now. But a lot of the holes will be filled in later. So just go with it. It should be a fun ride. At least that's what my goal is.**

**This will be updated tomorrow for sure.**

**Please . . .**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I've probably written about 100 chapters worth of fanfic, maybe a little less. And most people know who I am. So I take that to mean that by now, you know that Grey's Anatomy does not belong to me. I really wish it did. I really wish that it was all mine. But it's not. Although if all my wildest dreams came true I will write for it one day. Of course if all my wildest dreams came true Patrick Dempsey would be naked in my bed. But that's a different story.**

**Yay! Thanks for all the amazing reviews. They mean so so much to me. Especially when I'm starting out another fiction, because it's new. And I like being told whether I should keep going or not. And from the number of reviews I got ... well I take that as a yes. But I'm really happy to see people take to this one. It different but I hope to god that it works. I really really hope that it keeps going well, because life for Meredith and Derek is going to get even more complicated. But really, doesn't it always?**

**So here's my second chapter. **

**Enjoy!**

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Dear Meredith,

I love you.

I was going to draw this out, make you sweat a little, tear up a bit, and then let you know that. But I don't want you to spend the next 51 weeks planning on ways to kill me. So yes, to start off this letter, I love you. I, Derek Shepherd, love you.

You're it for me. There will be no one after you. And as much as you find it hard to believe, there was no one before you. You are it for me. You've been it for me since the moment I sat down beside you at Joe's. I sat down beside you with plans of picking up the cute blonde for a night of fun. I was hurting so much and I just needed to forget. Never did I think that all of this would follow. Never did I imagine that all of this could follow. I met you that night in hopes of forgetting my pain, but you're the one that made it dissapear. I never expected that.

But I'm more than grateful that it is what I got.

Meredith that night you told me you didn't have a story, that you were just a girl, and I said I was just a guy. Now I have a story. My story is you.

Seemingly you're not the only one that is feeling a little cheesy.

In short, when I get home in 51 weeks the first and only place I want to be is your bed. I'm happy there will be a spot still there for me.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I'm doing this to you again. And well, maybe I've never gone to Africa before on you, but I have left you alone a lot. And I've always been sorry about every single time I wasn't there for you. I've been an ass in the past. But this time I'm not there because I'm doing something worthwhile. At least I hope it's worthwhile. But it still leaves me feeling sorry, sorry that I'm not with you. Sorry that for the next year you're going to be alone. Again.

Although this time you're not alone. You have me. Just well, as you said, complicated.

But Meredith, thank you. Thank you for understanding why I had to do this. When my mom died last month, my world fell apart. Everything I thought I knew, I didn't know anymore. All I had was you. Which is more than enough, but I needed to escape, to get away and get my head back together. I'm not sure why I chose what I did. Besides the fact that this is something I wanted to do, needed to do, before I felt I could settle down and start my family with you. But why I felt the need to run from where you were, I don't know. And I'm sorry.

God, I don't even know if any of that makes sense to you.

But somehow I think it does.

I miss you.

God, you should see me Mer. Gone is the pasty Derek you know and love. I'm tanned. Completely tanned. I look hot, trust me, hot. Well minus the hair. Seemingly I missed the memo that hair like mine doesn't mix well with African sand and heat. I'm living in a ball cap. I've given up shaving. It's too much of a mess out here, and the girls seem to like the wild look.

Did I say girls? There aren't any. None.

It's like a different world out here. I don't even think I can begin to describe what this feels like. It's just...different. You have to see it for yourself. Maybe before the settling and the children you should do this. With me of course. It's wild Mer, really wild. And the children would break your heart. They're breaking my heart. I wish I could do something to help them all. Not just medically, really help them. I've always wanted a big family, mind if we adopt, say...100 African children? They're really cute. You'd love them.

Stop yelling and lighten up. I was joking.

50 is fine.

And really Mer, on a laptop in a bar? That is a little strange. I don't care how much you miss me, leave your mail writing to the house or the hospital. Joe does not need to see you writing to me. Which by the way, tell him I say hi back. Tell everyone I say hi. I miss them all.

Not nearly as much as I miss you.

I didn't think I'd miss you this much. It's not a normal missing, not like I think of missing you. More of a constant ache, somewhere deep down inside of me. Most of the time I go about my day barely having time to think of you, and yet that ache, it's there. Always. And then I'm in bed, alone. And it's you. You're all I can think of. All I even want to think of. And I realize that ache starts to ease, because you're there. In those moment you are with me. And then I realize I miss you. God, I miss you.

When I get back we are not spending no more than an hour apart from eachother.

Did you notice the enclosed necklace? One of my patients made it. She told me to give it to my wife, I told her I didn't have one. And then she looked at me with her big brown beautiful eyes and told me to give it to that woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And that's only you. So please wear it. Please. (I am giving you that look, the one that Cristina says makes her want to McVomit, the one Izzie calls the McDreamy look. That look. You can't say no to that look.)

Okay, it's time for me to work now. Save lives, genius that I am? Proud aren't you?

Thank you again. For understanding me. For loving me. For waiting for me. Mainly for loving me. You have every reason not to, but you still do. Thank you.

I miss you like I have never missed anyone else.

I love you like I have never loved anyone else.

Can't wait to hold you in my arms again.

Yours for Always

Derek

_It would be so fine to see your face at my door_

**You know what I love? When I giggle and smile at my own writing. Sigh. That chapter was so McDreamy. Pouring his heart out to Meredith in a letter and missing her so much that he aches. So McDreamy. And joking about other girls, and being hot, and being a genius, and adopting 100 kids. Hehehe. I hate to say it, but I love this fic. God I'm so in love with my own work, it's wrong. I feel like Shonda.**

**I guess it's just hard not to love Mcdreamy.**

**And take a second of your day, before you review and picture him in your head. Tanned and in a ball cap. Drool.**

**The next chapter should be up . . .well tonight. Or tomorrow at the latest. But probably later tonight . . . in like 2 hours ish. Probably.**

**So . . .**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I would really love to one day meet Shonda Rhimes. Really really really love that. However I do not want to meet her in a court room being sued. So please note ... Grey's Anatomy is not mine. How I wish it was. But I am not taking credit. These characters are not mine.**

**First, thanks for all the great reviews. They make my life. I love that there's a whole bunch of people that I can expect to hear from. I have fans, how cool is that? **

**Second, for this chapter . . . I don't think Meredith and Derek have MSN or Yahoo or anything like that. I don't. However for the purposes of this story, they have to. And I'm going to play around with their nicknames and stuff. Would they in real life (well GA-life)? No. But this is my fic. And they do. So well, no complaining. I know it's a stretch. I'm taking creative liscence, a writer has to do that sometimes.**

**So enjoy!**

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SexyShep has logged on 12:15 PM

SexyShep: Mer? You there?

Meredith: Seriously?

SexyShep: What?

Meredith: Seriously? SexyShep? That's your nickname?

SexyShep: Are you going to disagree with it?

Meredith: No, but I can think of much more appropriate ones.

SexyShep: As I can imagine.

Meredith: What are you doing online anyway? Aren't you supposed to be living in a tent?

SexyShep: As it turns out some VIP needed life saving brain surgery and he flew me in. Put me in a pretty nice hotel room for the week.

Meredith: I miss you.

SexyShep: I miss you too. 50 weeks to go.

Meredith: That's a long time and I feel like crap.

SexyShep: Lol, I feel like crap without you too, hun.

Meredith: Funny. I'm laughing, I really am. But I literally feel like crap.

SexyShep: What's wrong?

Meredith: Nothing, I'm sure it's nothing.

SexyShep: Meredith . . .

Meredith: Derek it's just stomach stuff, probably just the flu or something I ate.

SexyShep: How long have you been sick?

Meredith: A couple of days.

SexyShep: Get it checked if you don't feel better by Friday.

Meredith: Derek . . .

SexyShep: Meredith you know if I was there you would have been dragged to the hospital yesterday so be happy that I'm giving you to Friday.

Meredith: Fine.

SexyShep: I worry about you, I hate not being there for you.

Meredith: You're the one that went to Africa.

SexyShep: I'm sorry.

Meredith: I know you are, and I'm okay with it, I really am.

SexyShep: Are you?

Meredith: No. But I love you anyway, so you still have a spot in my bed. You read the letter.

SexyShep: I loved the letter. So we're good?

Meredith: We'd be a hell of a lot better if you changed your nickname.

SexyShep: I happen to like my nickname.

Meredith: You would.

I 3 Meredith: Is that better?

Meredith: You less than three me?

I 3 Meredith: You need to hang out with my teenage neices and nephews more often. It's a heart.

Meredith: Do I want to be hearted?

I 3 Meredith: By me? Yes.

Meredith: God I miss you. How the hell am I supposed to get through the next 50 weeks without you?

I 3 Meredith: When I figure out how I'm going to get through the next 50 weeks without you I'll let you know and you can do whatever I do.

Meredith: Crap, it's 12:30, I have to go.

I 3 Meredith: Life as an intern?

Meredith: Yeah. And missing my favourite attending.

I 3 Meredith: He's missing you too.

Meredith: I love you.

I 3 Meredith: I love you too.

Meredith: Change your nickname.

I 3 Meredith: Go to the doctors and I'll gladly change my nickname.

Meredith: Fine.

I 3 Meredith: Love you.

Meredith: Love you too. Bye.

Meredith has logged off 12:32 PM

Yang has logged on 12:47 PM

I 3 Meredith: Cristina!

Yang: Yes?

I 3 Meredith: It's Derek.

Yang: So I assumed from the sickening nickname. How is it your managing making me feel sick from half away across the world?

I 3 Meredith: Sorry. Mer's sick.

Yang: What?

I 3 Meredith: She's been feeling like crap. She said she'd go get checked, but you know Mer . . . can you watch out for her for me?

Yang: Yes. You asked me that about one hundred times before you left. Answer is still yes.

I 3 Meredith: Cristina . . .

Yang: Don't worry. I have your back. Although this would be a lot easier if you were here.

I 3 Meredith: Don't remind me.

Yang: Just hurry back or something.

I 3 Meredith: The second my year is up I'll be back there.

Yang: Good.

Yang has logged off 1:00 PM.

_Doesn't help to know that you're just time away._

**So seemingly the less than sign doesn't work on this site, but I think you all know what Derek's latest IM nickname is. Meredith spells it out so just pretend it's there.**

**So that was my first IM chapter. It was different than the others so I hoped it still worked. Please let me know if it sucked. Because if it sucked I won't write anymore like it. And don't worry, there won't be many of it. Just occasionally when I need immediate interaction between two characters. Mainly it's going to be letters and emails.**

**And this chapter was mainly filler. Because it's leading to, well I think we can figure out what it's leading to.**

**The next chapter, well it should be up as you're reading this one. Because these chapters are supper fast to write compare to my other fics. I love that. And I still don't have an exact length for this fic. I know what I want the last chapter to be, I'm just going to have to see how it plays out to get me there.**

**So . . .**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Through my fanfics, videos and live updates I have become slightly famous. The people that own Grey's Anatomy are really famous. There is the main difference between us. I am not an owner of Grey's Anatomy.**

**I don't have much to write about this chapter, as I'm writing it immediately after the last one. So can't comment on reviews or anything. So this intro, it's short. This is my first email chapter. Not that it's going to be different at all than my letter chapters. Just it's an email. It's actually the email that Meredith sends Derek Friday after she goes to the doctor's. She has some news.**

**Enjoy!**

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Dear Derek,

It's Friday.

And I'm still feeling like crap. So I kept my promise to you. Well I wasn't going to. But seemingly you got to Cristina. She kept giving me the death glare and complaining that she was sick of you harassing her. So I went to the doctor's.

As it turns out . . . it wasn't a stomach bug.

I hate to sound melodramatic and girly, but you might want to sit down to read the next part of this email. Although I guess you're at a desk, so you probably are sitting down. But if you're not, sit down.

Not that there's something bad wrong, I'm good. I'm fine.

But I'm pregnant.

Seemingly we really could be a condom ad. Because the one time we decide to have sex without a condom, I get knocked up. Oh the irony.

I'm pregnant, Derek.

When I found out I thought about getting an abortion. Really honestly thought of it. Because I know we've talked about having children in the future. Future as in when you're back from Africa, when I'm done my residency, when we're...you know...married. Not now. Now is not that time I want to be pregnant. Now is not a good time. So I thought about having an abortion. I did. But Derek, I just can't. This baby, it's part of you and it's part of me. It's ours. It's the first thing that we've ever shared, and I couldn't end that.

We're having a baby Derek.

I know you're freaking out right now. Probably trying to figure out a way to get out of your commitment. Or just freaking out at the pure prospect of being a dad. But stop. You can stay. I can do this alone. I've been doing things alone my whole entire life. This is just another thing to add to that list. But I'll be fine. I have our mismatched family of everyone. They'll take care of me. I'm fine. And I'm only 6 weeks along. That gives me another 32 weeks. And you're home in about 49. You'll be home long before the baby even realizes you were gone. I can do this. Me and the baby can do this. And when you do get home, we'll figure out things from there. But don't change your plans for us.

And please note, that last paragraph was "strong" Meredith. Real Meredith, the one you claim to love, is in tears begging for you to get your ass back here. Because we're having a baby and that's not something I want to be alone for.

I haven't told anyone here yet. Because you're the dad. You were supposed to know first. And I don't even know what to say to them. Hi, I'm pregnant and the dad is in Africa. But don't worry, life is fine. I'm fine. Derek's fine. Our child will be fine.

How did we end up getting in such a mess? Our lives just can't be simple, it would be too...simple or something. Now I'm starting to sound like George, great.

Derek, part of me is so thrilled to be having this child. Another part is entirely pissed off at you for not being here after you got me pregnant in the first place. And mainly, I'm just terrified. Teriffied that I'm not ready to be a mom, terrified that we're not ready to be parents, terrified that there is no way we'll balance work and family, terrified you're reading this thinking of ways to get rid of me and the child we created. Mainly terrified that I'm not going to be able to do this without you.

God, Der, how am I supposed to do this without you?

I don't want to be all dark and twisty right now. I don't. I'm over the dark and twisty. Bright and shiney, we're bright and shiney.

And pregnant.

There's a living life inside of me right now. That in just over 8 months is going to come out of me and be it's own little person. With lots of dark curly hair probably. And with us as parents, stubborn as all hell.

It's amazing.

And right now I'd be the happiest person on earth if I wasn't a surgical resident and you weren't in Africa.

I really would be.

But life is messy. God, is life messy.

Okay, I could go on. But I think before I say anything more I need to give you time to digest this. Lots and lots of time. So I'm ending this email.

Write back to me when you feel ready to. I don't want to rush you. Take time. Just well, not too much time. Just a little time.

I love you.

I really really love you.

And I miss you. God, I didn't think it was possible to miss you more than I did but I do. I miss you so damn much it scares me.

And by the way . . .shave. I do not care that I'm not there to see you. I do not care that you aren't trying to impress anyone. In my moments of loneliness, usually laying in our half empty bed at night, I like to picture you in Africa saving lives. And you tanned and wearing a ball cap, nice picture. The big bushy beard is throwing me off. And you do not want your pregnant soon-to-be-hormonal girlfriend to be thrown off. So shave. For me. And the baby.

God, baby.

Yours Forever

Meredith

_Long ago I reached for you and there you stood._

**And much like Meredith is giving time Derek time to digest this news, I'm doing the same. As in not writing a long author's note. Besides this speaks for itself. Meredith is pregnant with Derek's child. She's happy. But she's scared. And she's worried Derek won't be happy.**

**Next update should be up tomorrow night.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: In my weakest moments, Grey's Anatomy owns me. It's sad . . .really.**

**So I started this fanfic terrified that no one would like it. I really thought this might be my one and only flop. And people are loving it. I've only written 4 chapters and I already have 75 reviews! 75! That's just completely insane to me. But I love it, I love that I'm writing something completely different and people are still completely digging it. Makes me so happy.**

**To answer the question I've been asked a gabillion times. The song is "So Far Away" by Carole King. I told my wonderful friend Katie my idea for this fiction and she suggested the title. And I fell in love with it, because it works so well. So I'm using a different line from it at the end of every chapter. I'm thinking of trying to make a chapter for each line the song, but I'm not sure if I can manage that so we'll see.**

**Anyway, Derek's email back to Meredith.**

**Enjoy!**

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Dear Meredith,

We're having a baby.

Okay, you can't actually see me right now but I'm . . .I'm crying. Which is probably a little pathetic but I don't really care. Not when the woman I love more than life itself is carrying my child. Meredith, I know you were terrified about how I would take this news, but don't worry. I'm so happy. We're going to be parents. And I know the situation is a little more than less than ideal, which I hate. But you having my baby, I can't not be thrilled about that.

Meredith, I wish I was there. This news is something we should have found out together, I want to hold you so close right now and never let go.

I've always dreamed about having children with you. I didn't plan on doing it now. Definitely not. But I had a plan, oh I had a plan. Involved me getting home from Africa and getting down on one knee. And then a white dress and a ferry boat. And then a baby. Seemingly my plan got thrown out of order, probably shouldn't have skipped that condom that one time, but still. Babies were the plan.

And we can do this. You can do this.

As soon as I'm done this email to you I'm emailing the head of Doctors without Borders. I know I made a year commitment here but I'll explain that my girlfriend is pregnant and I have to get home to be with her. Hopefully he'll be understanding. And if not, well I'll find someway to get home as soon as possible. I'm going to be there, Meredith. I am not missing the birth of our first child. Not for the world.

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now.

I'm going to be a daddy Mer. A daddy. I read your email less than an hour ago and I'm already planning everything. Trips to Disneyworld to meet Mickey. Teaching him or how how to fish. Ferryboat rides. We have to build a house on my land. Find a contractor. And help him figure out your dream home. Price isn't a problem, just get it built before Baby Shepherd enters the world. Honestly, make it however you want. All I ask for is an office, so I can bring my paperwork home with me instead of spending long hours at the hospital. The rest I trust you entirely with. You know our favourite view, put it there.

And don't worry about us not having the time for the baby. I'll ask for a lighter rotation until your done you're residency. After that we'll reevaluate and see what we think is best.

I know you're freaking out. I know you're probably reading this thinking that I'm moving far too fast, but Mer, I love you.

This is the life I have always dreamed of, well dreamed of since I saw you chugging back tequilla at Joe's. And I know we didn't think we were going to get here quite yet but now that we are, I can't say I need to take time to freak out, I'm happy Mer. Annoyed as all hell that it had to happen now while I'm gone, but really seriously happy. I want this child more than anything. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and this child and anymore we make along the way. This is what I want.

But Meredith, I know you. You didn't grow up wanting a family, you never planned on having this life. And I know even after you met me you never thought it would happen so soon. I understand Mer. So if you do need to take some freak out time, that's fine. I understand,

Just you know, while freaking out, do you mind calling a contractor?

Because I have faith in us. When you're done freaking out you'll reread this email, rubbing a hand over your belly, and smiling. Maybe even with misty eyes to match my own. And you'll want this just as much as I do. Because what we have between us...it's fate.

We're having a baby.

You're going to be an amazing mother, Mer. I know you're rolling your eyes, thinking I'm blinded by love or just completely insane. But you are. I've watched you with patients, old and young. You have so much compassion, and patience and kindness. And although I know you never had a strong role model, that's all it really takes. And everything else, we'll learn together along the way. We can do this together. We can do everything together.

Thank you, Meredith. For giving this a shot, because I know you're scared, I know you're terrified you're not strong enough, so thank you for taking the chance of having this child. Thank you for having the faith in me to be there for you. Thank you for letting me know before everyone else. Thank you for giving me a child. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being you.

I hate getting all senitmental, but being away from you, pregnant you, well it makes me want to say thing. Especially when I'm happy.

I still can't believe we're going to have a family.

Take time to digest this, don't rush back in writing me a letter. Freak out, talk to Cristina, go to Joe's (but don't drink), Do whatever it takes. And than write back to me. Oh and call my parents to let them know. I'll send them a letter but they need to hear this on the phone. Call them.

I love you.

Love For Always

Derek

_Holding you again could only do me good._

**So Derek, yeah, he's thrilled. And really excited. And has this child's entire future planned. Because a family with Meredith is all he's ever wanted and now that's what he's getting even thought the situation is less than ideal. So Derek is happy. But understanding of why Mer is scared. And trying to get home to her.**

**Next chapter will reveal how that plays out. Hehehe. It might be up tomorrow but don't hold your breath. School assignment due on Tuesday so I will have to see how much work I get done on it. Hopefully will be able to update.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Wow, last night in my exhaustion I thought of a really good disclaimer for this chapter, and now I completely forget it. I don't know how I managed to do that. But I did. In short, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Not even one little tiny piece of it.**

**So some of my fans are way to observant. About Meredith calling Derek's parents, when seemingly both of them are dead. I knew that, I really did. And I didn't even mean to write parents. I so meant to write "sisters" and somehow that didn't come out. So that line in the last part, just change it to sisters. Derek asked Meredith to call his sisters and tell them as they'd want to know. Same idea, just different. Sorry about that.**

**As for this chapter, it's well stupid short. Lol. But it's mainly just to well, explain what's going to happen with the rest of the fic. Mainly answer the question as to whether Derek will be going home or not. So it's needed. Just short. And kind of boring compare to the other chapters...I'm hoping to get two chapters up right now, so you don't even have to review this one.**

**Enjoy. Or at least read.**

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Dear Dr. Shepherd;

Congragulations on expecting your first child! You and Meredith must be thrilled.

Unfortunately, we can't allow you to back out of the commitment you made to us. As you know, we require each physician to commit at least 6 months of their time to us before volunterring. And barring a major family emergency they are required to give us that time. It's unfortunate, however the rules are in place to guarantee we can keep the necessary amount of doctors in the field. Sadly, in your case, pregnancy does not offer you a chance to go home.

However, there is an alternative.

As I've said, each physician is committed to a 6 month time with us; however, you volunteered a year. Because of the new developement in your life you are more than welcome to change that time frame to 6 months. It allows to fullfill your committment to us and at the same time allows you to be home for the last trimester and the birth of your child. I know it's not an ideal solution, however it is the best that we can do in the situation.

Now, Derek, I'm writing to you as a friend, I had to write all the official stuff but we go far too back to let me leave it at that. Derek, I'm so happy to hear that Meredith is expecting. I know how long you've wanted this, and I know how much you love her. I wish I could send you home, but I can't bend the rules, even for an old friend. I'm sorry.

But I am going to help. I know right now you're stationed in the middle of no where, some small rural town so you have no internet access. I'm going to get you transfered into one of the main cities at a clinic there. You'll be seeing more serious cases but I know you're up for the challenge. But mainly, it will give you an opportunity to live in a real builiding instead of a tent, and I will guarantee that you are put in one with internet access. You might not be able to be with Meredith, but I will put you as close to her as possible.

On the condition that next time I'm in the States I fully expect to see the little tyke.

I'm sorry I can't help you anymore than that, I truly am. My best wishes are with you and Meredith.

Tell her I say hi.

Stay in touch

Sincerely;

John Gardner

**I told you it was really really short. Lol. Really a filler chapter but I wanted to put that letter in. And explain why Derek kind of got special treatement in the fact he got to go somewhere where he'd have the internet (mainly so I can keep up with IM chapters). Him and John go way back. To med school. Or something. **

**Next chapter is coming. Will be posted immediately after this one, or later tonight. Depends on how quickly it gets written. But tonight at the lastest.**

**Btw did everyone hear? My main man (PD) signed on for another movie, Made of Honor. A romantic comedy about a guy that agrees to be his best friend's maid of honor only in hopes of winning her heart. Sounds soooo good.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I do not write for Grey's Anatomy. But I've decided that one day I'm going to. No word of a lie, in all honesty, one day I'm going to write for Grey's Anatomy. Even if it just involves sitting in the room and adding in a line, I'm doing it.**

**Yet again thanks for all the great reviews. Glad to see that my filler chapter worked and wasn't too boring. But everyone seemed to like it, so it's all good.**

**This chapter is going to be sadish, I thought I would warn everyone right now. I mean, given the circumstances it can't really be happy. Derek does have to tell Meredith that he's stuck in Africa for another 5 months, and that's never an easy thing to tell your pregnant girlfriend, who happens to be the love of your life. So yeah emotional and sad chapter. But I'm going to try to add some of the usual Mer/Der pizzaz that makes everyone giggle.**

**Oh yeah, it's IM.**

**Enjoy.**

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Meredith has logged on 2:00 PM

Meredith: Seriously?

DaddyShep: You are aware that's how you greet me everytime.

Meredith: Blame it on your nicknames.

DaddyShep: I like my nicknames. You should get fun nicknames. Change yours to MommyShep.

Meredith: My last name isn't Shepherd.

DaddyShep: It will be one day.

Meredith: It will. Did you hear back from John?

Meredith: Der?

Meredith: Derek? ... It's not good is it.

DaddyShep: Mer ...

Meredith: Don't Mer me. I don't need to be Mer'd. Just tell me.

DaddyShep: I can't come home for another 5 months.

Meredith: 5 months?

DaddyShep: 5 months.

Meredith: 5 months. Not a year.

DaddyShep: Technically I only had to commit 6 months, I volunteered a year. I was allowed to cut it down by 6 months.

Meredith: We can do 5 months. It's okay. I'm okay.

DaddyShep: It's okay not to be okay.

Meredith: Are you okay?

DaddyShep: No, Mer, I'm not. I want to be there. You're pregnant, I'm finally going to be a dad. And I'm stuck here, which is basically the last place I want to be. I'm so far from being okay.

Meredith: I'm not okay either.

DaddyShep: I know.

Meredith: Derek, I'm so scared. And this is so hard, being alone for this. My friends have been great, amazing, but they're not you. I need you. I hate needing you, but I do.

DaddyShep: Meredith, it's okay to need me.

Meredith: I get sick every morning, and everyone has been there to hold my hair, even Alex. But the one person I need to be there. You haven't been there.

DaddyShep: Mer, you know I hate this just as much as you do.

Meredith: I know you do, I just need to beside me for this.

DaddyShep: God, Mer. You know if I could I'd be there.

Meredith: I know, and that makes it so much harder.

DaddyShep: I know it's hard. I know it's not supposed to be this hard. But it will get better. We have each other, and in 5 months I'll be beside you again. We'll get through this and it will get better.

Meredith: I know ... I know. It's just so hard. Sometimes I just wish . . . I wish I had chosen the other path.

DaddyShep: You don't mean that.

Meredith: No, Der, no. Not at all. It's just . . .I'm just . . .

DaddyShep: Shh, Mer I know, shhhh...I'm here. Shhh. Go to the kitchen and get a paper bag, breathe into it. Shhh.

Meredith: I am not hyperventilating.

Meredith: Fine, maybe I am. But you don't get to boss me around.

DaddyShep: I'm the father of that baby growing inside of you, gives me full range on bossing you around.

Meredith: I miss you.

DaddyShep: I miss you too. You okay now?

Meredith: No, but I will be. You'll be home for the birth.

DaddyShep: I'll be home for the birth. And to rub your feet when you're too big to reach them. And to feel the baby kick. And everything. I'll be home for the end. I'll be right beside you in the delivery room.

Meredith: Good.

DaddyShep: I would have found anyway to be there for that Mer, I'm not missing that for the world.

Meredith: You've always wanted this, haven't you?

DaddyShep: Not when I was with Addison. We talked about having children, you know how my family is with children, but it was never the right time, never something I really wanted. But the second I sat beside you, the second I looked into your eyes, this is all I've wanted.

Meredith: I never wanted this, I never even dreamed of having this. I didn't want it. Until I had it, and as scared as I am ...

DaddyShep: I know.

MommyShep: Happy?

DaddyShep: Ecstatic.

MommyShep: It's on your head when Cristina kills me in my sleep.

DaddyShep: I saved her boyfriend's carreer, she owes me one.

MommyShep: One minute . . .what are you doing online?

DaddyShep: Was wondering when you were going to ask. John transfered me to a clinic closer to an actual city, so I'm staying in an apartement with net access.

MommyShep: Seriously? So I can reach you whenever I need to.

DaddyShep: Yep.

MommyShep: I'd say let's name this child John, but I'm hoping for a girl.

DaddyShep: You want a girl?

MommyShep: You want a boy?

DaddyShep: Lol, Mer, I don't think there's a point of figthing over this.

MommyShep: All I'm saying is, as the person who's carrying the child, I think it's a girl. I'm willing to bet on it being a girl.

DaddyShep: Oh I'll take that action. If it's a girl, you get to be in charge of sex for a month, you get anything you want. If it's a boy, I get to.

MommyShep: Sexual bets of course. You have a dirty dirty mind, Dr. Shepherd.

DaddyShep: Matches so well with the dirty dirty mind of my girlfriend.

MommyShep: I'm not the one who made this conversation dirty.

DaddyShep: It's midnight here, hun. I have to be up in just over 5 hours so I have to go to bed. I love you.

MommyShep: I love you too. Talk to you later?

DaddyShep: Counting the seconds.

DaddyShep has logged off 3:03 PM.

**So that was a little angsty. But I made it have a happy ending, so I assume that to be a good thing. And I know it jumped from angsty to happy rather quickly, but as far as I'm concerned that happens. You just need something to break the tension and in this case it was him bossing her around. Because he's half way around the world and still managing to worry about her enough to boss her around. That bossing around, and just knowing exactly what she was doing (hyperventilating) was just a reminder that even though he wasn't "there" he was still very much "there". So angsty beginning but happy ending.**

**As for the time difference, I researched and it's correct.**

**Anyway, the next chapter will be up tomorrow. Either during the day or at night. Not sure which yet. But definitely by night.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: You know I have performance anxiety in my disclaimers now. Because so many people comment on how funny and brilliant they are. So when I can think of nothing creative, it's not good. I have demanding fans. I need funny! Btw, Grey's ...mine...not so much.**

**So this chapter is the beginning of the story. Of her being pregnant and him being away. And I've decided out of the two, I feel worse for Derek. Because Meredith is at home, and even though she doesn't have Derek, she has her family. She's not alone. Derek is stuck in Africa, with his wildest dreams coming true back in Seattle. Poor Derek. But yeah, this is the start of the meat of the fic. I think the entire thing is going to be a combination of sad and happy so we'll see.**

**So this chapter is an email from Meredith to Derek. About the baby. It skips a head a few weeks, since the IM conversation. Like 2-3 weeks or so. So she's 3 months in, so it's about 4 months till Derek gets home. It will be cute, happy and sad all at once.**

**Enjoy!**

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Derek,

So I'm 12 weeks along now.

And according to Addison...she's my doctor by the way. I don't know why. I mean, I know we're kind of friends with her, but when news got out that Meredith Grey was carrying Derek Shepherd's child, she approached me in the hall and asked if I'd like her to be my doctor. I said yes. I don't know why I said yes. Cristina thinks she's going to kill the baby or something else Satany. But Addison wouldn't do that. Would she? I mean, she's not actually evil. You were married to her for so long. She wouldn't do anything to our baby. She's just being nice. Right?

Okay, rambling.

According to Addison 12 weeks means I should go in for a check up and listen to the baby's heart beat.

So before my shift I met her upstairs, and Derek, I heard it. I heard our baby's heart.

I also learned that it's humanly possible to find the sound of a heart beat the most beautiful sound in the world. Addison claims every mother feels this way. Of course she might be planning baby homicide so I don't know if I can trust her.

But Der...

The heart beat. It was just amazing, Derek. Just pure amazing. I've heard baby heart beats more times than I can count, I know what they sound like. They sound like a normal heartbeat. But hearing it, and knowing the baby is yours, knowing that it belongs to this tiny little life that's growing inside of me, it was just another world. The baby is really there, there's really a baby inside of me.

Derek, we're really going to be parents.

And I am happy. I mean, really, seriously happy. Since that test came up positive I've been happy but so scared that I was forgetting to be happy. I was terrified. And every decision I made, I second guessed, because they all felt like the wrong decision. I've been a big ball of self doubt. It's been messy. But the second I heard that heartbeat, Derek, the second I heard it, I knew. I knew every single decision I've ever made has been the right one. And that's big for me, really really big for me. Because I always feel like such a mess. But this is right, this is where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be madly in love with you and having your baby.

And then I burst into tears.

Because you're not where you're supposed to be. You are no where close to where you're supposed to be. Today when I was listening to the heartbeat you were supposed to be right beside me, squeezing my hand and looking down at me with tons of love in your eyes. Instead I had your ex-wife (the woman planning baby homicide) holding my hand and looking down at me with a look that seemed to be a cross between pity and jealousy. And that just didn't feel right. Nothing without you feels right. I wish it did, but it just doesn't.

I need you so badly. I keep thinking of all these pregnancy milestones that are coming up, and then I have to remember that the daddy won't be there. That the love of my life won't be there. And I just...I really really want you to be there. Because I can to this alone. I mean, me and alone go well together as it's how I've been for as long as I can remember. But the thing is...I'm not alone anymore. I have you. And yet, here I am biggest time of my life (litterally and figuratively) and I'm alone. So so alone. And terrified. And overwhelmed. And feeling more than a little lost.

Because in that moment, with the heartbeat, everything felt right. But the fact you weren't there.

And without you there, I'm just a little lost.

And you're missing all the daddy things. I was craving nachos today and Alex had to go get them for me. ALEX.

Oh shit, now I'm crying again. I've been a big blubbering hormonal mess for 3 months now. I cried at a Hallmark commercial yesterday. I do not cry at Hallmark commercials. Izzie cries at Hallmark commercials. I treat them like every other commercial. But no, seemingly pregnant Meredith cries at Hallmark commercials. My hormones are a mess, which by the way, I hate you for.

Stop laughing.

I really hate you.

And ignore a good portion of this letter. I am not pulling a guilt trip. I am not trying to make you feel bad. Because I know you want to be here, but that life is messy and you are stuck there. And I know that you are being the most supportive boyfriend humanly possible considering our situation. So blame it on hormones. Because I am good.

All you need to know from this entire rambling email is that baby is good and I'm good.

And I love you.

And Addison asked me if I want to find out the sex as soon as humanly possible. And I said no, because I've been finding out far too much without you,and the sex is not something I want to tell you in an email. Or even IM. So I said no. We can find out at 7 months when you get back.

Oh god, the tears are coming again.

I'm never having a baby again. Well maybe one, because you're missing so much and you should see this. So I'll have one more but that's it. Just so you can share in the mess that your girlfriend becomes. Except before I make any more babies I'm going to be your wife. We are so back to being a condom ad.

And I'm getting fat. Izzie and Cristina claim I'm not. But this morning when I went to put on my jeans they felt a little more snug than they usually do. I'm getting fat. And soon I'm going to have to go shopping to get a whole bunch of new clothes that are for fat people. Izzie suggested wearing some of the stuff you left here, but you're so damn skinny they probably won't fit for long either. I'm getting fat.

Thanks for making me fat.

I know, I know. Happy thought. Pregnancy is not the time to be all dark and twisty. Happy thoughts. I'm going to be a mom. And you're going to be a dad. And the baby is going to be most beautiful, intelligent and loved baby ever. Happy thoughts. And you're home in about 4 months. And you'll be here for the final swollen ankles, and the maternity leave, and most importantly the birth. You'll be here.

That the happy thought that keeps me going.

Okay, I have to go save lives now. So I am off.

BabyShep loves you.

And I love you. God I love you.

Miss you.

Yours Forever

Meredith

_How I wish I could, but you're so far away_

**See, happy, sad and cute all at once. **

**So yeah, not much to say. The baby is suddenly very real to Meredith and she's thrilled. But missing Derek. And hormonal. So lots of different emotions going on. Always a good time. And Addison is her doctor because I think Addie really does like her, and since Derek can't be there, Addie is trying to help. As chapters go on you'll find more and more people trying to help. I have lots of wonderfully cute, happy and heartbreaking ideas. (mainly because my friend Katie keeps giving me them, lol). **

**Next chapter should be up tomorrow night. Derek emailing Mer, obviously.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Watching the repeat of Sometimes a Fantasy tonight reminded me in a big way that I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Because if I owned Grey's, Finn never would have existed. Okay, maybe he would of. But he wouldn't have been around as long. Because after Derek told Mer he loved her, she would have done him on the table. That's how my Grey's would work.**

**So people are still loving this...that's good. I don't quite no how many more chapters there will be. Quite a few so don't panic. I'm just saying I still haven't decided a length. I know exactly how this is going to end, I even know what the epilogue is going to be. Just don't know how long it will take to get me there. I have a few things to do between now and then but well, I don't know how long to expect it. I'd say at least another 10 chapters, so really, not ending anytime soon.**

**This chapter is Derek's letter back to Meredith. So it's sweet and well McDreamy. And don't worry, some drama is coming. Can't have too much smooth sailing.**

**Enjoy!**

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Dear Meredith,

You heard the heartbeat?

Wow. Just wow. I wish I had been there, I should be there. I hate not being there. I can't believe I'm missing this.

And by this I mean seeing you all emotional and crazy. God, you sound adorable.

Stop yelling.

And to calm your fears, I think we can trust Addison not to commit baby homicide. I don't think we're her favourite couple, but she is our friend. And she's a doctor who's really good at her job. Mainly, she knows how much it means to me to finally be having a child. She doesn't have anything against BabyShep. I'm sure BabyShep is in perfectly good hands. Stop stressing out over stupid things, it's not good for our baby.

By the way, I've been practicing. I helped deliver a baby today. Me, the top neurosurgeon in America helped deliver a baby today.

It was amazing, Mer. I mean, nothing on brain surgery, but just wow. When she was in labour her and the husband were flipping out so I was asked to calm them down. I told them about the beautiful woman I had waiting for me at home, who was pregnant with my baby. I told them our story, god I love telling that story. It made them smile, it made her remember to breathe. And then it made her name her daughter Meredith. To thank me for everything I had done. So Mer, now there's a tiny African baby named after you.

The husband said I must love you a lot.

And that's when I teared up. Is it possible to have sympathy hormones? Because I'm pretty sure I do.

Or maybe I just miss you.

Mer, I know you need me. You're going through such a big thing right now. And even though your friends are there, you're alone. Because you're missing the one person that needs to be there. And Meredith, trust me, this is paining me more than you could ever imagine. I want to be there for all the daddy things, to run out a 2 oclock in the morning to get you nachos. That's my job. And it's killing me that I'm not there. You need me now more than ever, and I'm not there.

God, I'm terrible aren't I? You'd think for once I'd manage to be there for 5 minutes.

But Mer, you can do this. I have so much faith in you. You have been so strong since you found out. Every letter and email I get, you amaze me with the strenght your finding within yourself. I know you're scared, but you can do this. Just keep working, keep busy with friends, and before you know it the four months will be over and I'll be right there where I belong.

And when I get back there, you're never going to be able to get rid of me again.

Ever.

So I know you're scared and hormonal and probably just a bit crazy right now, but I'm going to be coming home to you. So just stay strong. Stay you.

I wish I had been there to hear the heart beat. It was probably just amazing. I'm glad Addie was there though, better than you have know one. I wish I was there for it all. You are probably the most beautiful pregnant woman that ever was. You are probably just glowing. Take lots of pictures, take tons of pictures. I need to see every second that I miss. And buy a webcam. You know where my credit cards are, charge it to me. Get a webcam so I can see you getting fat.

Which I can't wait to see you get so fat that you can barely fit in any close, and you waddle around the hospital barefoot and happy.

I think I'm madly in love with fat Meredith.

Even if she hates me.

And thank you for waiting. I am missing so much, I want to be beside you to find out the sex, I want that to be one of the things that we do get to do together. You know, I do have you being my sex slave riding on this ever important outcome, so I do need to be there. I need to be able to enjoy my victory probably and everything.

I'm being called away, so sorry that this was shorter than I hoped.

Tell BabyShep I love him.

I love you too.

And miss you more than anything.

Yours For Always

Derek

_One more song about moving along the highway._

**So Derek's chapter. **

**And I've recently realized that this fic is probably really wierd. Because it's fluff. Nothing is going horribly wrong. Meredith and Derek are madly in love and having a baby and both ecstatic. And it's fluff. But with this horribly depressing twist that he's not actually there to be enjoying the happiness with her. So it's like depressing fluff or something. Don't really expect that to change, I mean, there's going to be a very tiny bit of drama thrown in, but nothing that's going to change this fic. This is a fluffy fic.**

**And Derek is so freaking cute. I love him in this fic. I'm not sure if this chapter felt as much like him as I hoped it would, so please let me know what you all thought. **

**Next chapter will probably be up tomorrow afternoon. There will definitely be one up at night but probably one in the afternoon as well. So yeah.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: This is another night that my mind is drawing a blank on funny disclaimers. I hate when that happens. I think I shall go with my old stand by...at my weakest moments, Grey's Anatomy owns me.**

**I'm glad that everyone is enjoying the fluffiness of this fic. **

**And on that note, this chapter, not so light and fluffy. More like completely sad and heartbreaking. Sorry for that. But I'm trying to keep this realistic. And realistically in any long distance relationship you have those days, where you just want to give up. Not litterally give up but you know what I mean. And adding a pregnancy on top of that...well it's quite the dark and twisty situation. And as Mer is naturaly a dark and twisty person...well yeah. You'll see.**

**Enjoy!**

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Derek,

I should not be emailing you today.

Because I'm not dark and twisty anymore. You changed that. I'm now all about being dull and lifeless, and sometimes, during the best times, even bright and shiney. I am not the girl you met at Joe's all that time ago. I have changed. I am not a dark and twisty person. But today, today I quite certain I am. Today I feel so dark and twisty that I don't really remember what it feels like to be bright and shiney. I'm back to being that girl that's so miserable that I can't be around normal people. I'm dark and twisty.

So no I shouldn't be emailing you today.

But I am. Because I'm stupid. I'm the stupid slutty intern that fell in love with slutty married boss, only to destroy that marriage and get knocked up by the slutty boss right before he took off for Africa.

See...dark and twisty.

I woke up in bed today and felt a little twinge in my stomach. Not a kick, it's far too early for kicks. Just a twinge. According to Izzie who has read every baby book ever published and is planning on sending you a bunch, the baby probably moved or something. So I felt a twinge. And that's when I realized how big and empty my bed felt. Because I rolled over, still half asleep, wanting you to be there, wanting to tell you all about the twinge. I wanted you there. And you weren't. Which I knew. But at the time...well the big empty bed set me into a big downward spiral of dark and twistiness.

The friends, the family, they tried to help.

But only two things can help. Tequilla, which thanks to you and your stupid sluttly boy penis is not an option. And you, which thanks to the freaking ocean is not an option.

So I'm emailing you, which is beyond stupid.

Because right now you can't help me. Nothing can help me. I've gotten in some huge messes before. Sleeping with a married attending. George. Finn. Lots and lots of messes. I'm the queen of messy lives. But nothing has compared to this. I'm pregnant, and hormonal, and my only comfort it too far away to be any comfort. And writing this email isn't even a comfort, because it doesn't solve my problem. And I know you. I know that with every word you're reading your heart is breaking a little more and I don't want that. God I don't want that. I know how hard this is on you, I know. And I don't want to make it harder.

See, really shouldn't be emailing you.

But my fingers keep typing.

I miss you, god I miss you. I hate all the romance novels and shit that say things about missing someone with every breath they take. I always assumed that was bullshit. Seemingly, it's not. Because I miss you with every breath that I take. I don't even know how I function. I spend a lot of time sitting in your office. I think it scares the others, but I need to be there. I feel you there so much. I need to feel you. I miss you. You probably feel stupid writing about that ache, but don't because I feel it too. But it doesn't go away at night, because at night I lay in our bed and it just feels empty. I feel empty.

Sometimes I just wish I had given this all up months ago. My life would have been so much easier. Our lives would have been easier.

And as much as I love our lives...sometimes I wish they were easier.

Because this is hard. This is so god damn hard. Life isn't supposed to be this hard, Derek. It's not.

Really shouldn't even send this email. But I will. Because I need you to know what I'm going through, I need you with me on this. And somehow I know that even though I'm beyond dark and twisty today, and even though I know you're probably hating all this right now, I know you still love me. Every single part of me. So you need to know every single part of me.

BabyShep loves you (even though I'm not happy with her right now, for making me miss her daddy more)

I love you.

Come home, Der. Please come home.

Yours Always

Meredith

_Can't say much of anything that's new_

**See, I told you, sad. But don't worry, Mer will be fine. She's just having one of those days. I've been in a long distance relationship (not nearly as long distance but still) and those days happen. Those days that you feel like the only person who can make you feel better is the only person who isn't there to help. They suck but they come and go. Add a baby and pregnancy hormones into that. Yeah, tough day, but she will be fine. Just fine.**

**God, I'm in a long distance friendship and I have variation of those days just with that. (love you Nat)**

**I will update tomorrow but late like usual. Spending the day shopping with my Canadian best friend Shae and my boyfriend Matt in Ottawa. Yay! And as it's mine and Matt's 4 year anniversary (insane I know) I'll be spending my evening with him. But will update when I get home.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I spent my day shopping and had a very limited amount of money I could spend. How does that relate to me not owning Grey's? Well if I owned Grey's my family and friends would be getting cars for Christmas, not candles.**

**Yet again...thanks for all the great reviews. Actually I don't know if I got great reviews...because I haven't been online since I posted it last night...but I imagine I got great reviews. So thanks.**

**I have to explain these next 2 chapters, kind of. They go together, which well all the chapters to, but these two are written to really go together. As in they're both happening at the exact same time. This one is an email chapter and the one immediately following it is a IM chapter. I hope to get both posted tonight. And they're basically Derek's reaction to Meredith's emotional email. So you'll see how he took it. This chapter is actually two emails, to many people. You'll see.**

**Enjoy!**

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To: guys,

Hi from sunny Africa. Okay, actually, Africa is hell, I don't suggest you come here, but that's beside the point.

I need a favour. A really big huge favour that usually only Meredith would get away with asking, because she's impossible to say no to. But try to understand this big huge favour is actually for Meredith, but we all know she is the last person to ask for the thing she needs the most.

She's feeling down, dark and twisty, as she put it, and I know what she really wants is me, but I need to ask you to be subsitute me (Sloane, not in that way, keep your hands off her). I know you're already helping her so much, but she's still feeling so alone. And as much as I realize you can't fill the void my not being there has left, it's something. And right now, Meredith needs something. I hate having to ask you for anything, I want to be able to take care of her myself, but I can't.

And you're her family. She really needs you guys.

I wish I could be there, I really do. I'm home in less than 4 months, and I'm counting the days. It's the only place I want to be.

But I can't.

And you guys are there, so please be there for her, really be there. She needs it so badly. And I know this email is probably pointless, because you are all being so wonderful to her already, but as the boyfriend and beyond proud father, I had to do that asking myself.

I'll be home soonish.

I miss you all. I miss Seattle. I miss the life I had.

Thanks guys. I really appreciate everything you guys have done for her and everything you will continue to do. It means the world to both of us.

Derek

To: should have written this email a few weeks ago, but I put it off, because this situation should be more than a little awkward. But I'm writing it now.

First, thank you for volunteering to be Meredith's doctor. I know it was probably slightly awkward for you, but thank you so much. It means so much to me, to us. I know it's easier a much easier case than what you usually take on, but I want the best to be treating my lady and little man. And Addie, that's you.

Can you believe I'm going to be a father? I know we were never ready to take this step, it was never right. But with Meredith, god it's right. I'm going to be a dad. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. I jsut can't believe it.

I just wish I was there to enjoy this.

And that's where the favour comes in. Well a two level favour. Meredith isn't coping well, not that I expected her too, because I'm not coping so well either. But I'm not carrying my son (ask Mer about the son thing, it's a funny story actually). Meredith is. She's growing a tiny little human being. As her doctor, can you please keep a close eye on her? Yes, Addie, I know that's your job and that of course you will watch out for her. But right now, I'm being the overproctective boyfriend and dad. I need you to watch out for them. Make sure she's not working to hard, make sure she's eating and sleeping, just watch out for her. And please watch her stress levels. She has a way of worrying too much.

Second, I need a favour as a friend. I've already asked the others to help her out, but after being married to you for 11 years, it's you I trust the most. We're friends, really truly friends. Meredith likes you. Please be there for her. She needs somebody, and I know how good you are at being there, at being rational, at being a calming pressence. Meredith needs that.

Okay, one more favour. You can't say no to me. Is there anything I could do to make this work better? Anything I can do to relax her, even cheer her up. Coming home isn't an option at the moment... but there must be something. Give me something.

That's all for now. I'll be home soonish.

I miss you and everyone else.

Please watch out for Mer for me.

Derek

**Okay no song line, it just doesn't fit this chapter.**

**I think the first email speaks for itself...Derek emailing the family (including Mark and Callie, and excluding Burke as I don't like him right now and I don't want to hear complaints, I'm allowed my opinions) about taking care of Meredith. Which he know they're already doing but he needs to reassure himself, he needs to ask. (kind of like how he had to check on Mer at the end of the superbowl episode). So yeah. **

**The other email was to Addie. And I know it might have seemed like he was rubbing things in Addie's face...but remember, this fic takes place a year after where we are now. So they're in different spots emotionally. I don't know if Addie and Mark are together in this fic, never had to make it clear, but Addie isn't hurting. Derek's over it, Addie's over it. And they have become friends of sorts. So he's not rubbing anything in her face, he's generally happy and she's in a place where she can be happy for him. And they're also in a place where he can ask for her help, especially since she's Mer doctor.**

**I'm not sure how much this sounded like Derek, but we've never really seen him in this situation so it was hard to do.**

**Going to work on the next update...Mer/Der IM conversation. That he had with her while writing these emails. But it won't be posted tonight...long story. Look for it tomorrow.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I just updated this back to back...do I have to use another funny disclaimer?? Actually I have one. I obviously don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did I would spend time writing new episodes, because repeats...they suck.**

**Ummm...most of the set up for this chapter was in the last chapter so just refer back to that one. No really...I set this chapter up already.**

**So just enjoy!**

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Meredith has logged on 3:00 PM.

Derek: Meredith!

Meredith: What's with the nickname?

Derek: It's my name, Mer.

Meredith: So I noticed.

Derek: I was too worried about you to think of anything more original.

Meredith: I knew I shouldn't have sent that email.

Derek: I'm glad you did. I need to know that kind of stuff.

Meredith: I know...it's just...

Derek: Still feeling dark and twisty?

Meredith: Nope. Bright and shiney :)

Derek: Mer . . .

Meredith: I don't want you worrying about me.

Derek: So your plan is to tell me transparent lies in hopes that I'll believe them enough to not worry about you?

Meredith: That sounds good to me.

Derek: But I know you better than that.

Meredith: Do you want the truth, Derek?

Derek: That would be the point of being in a relationship.

Meredith: I'm so dark and twisty right now it's freaking crazy. And I don't think I'm going to stop being dark and twisty until your feet are back on American soil. Actually...not until your ass is back in our bed.

Derek: There's the Mer I know and love.

Meredith: I'm glad you find this amusing.

Derek: I don't. But that was the usual Mer spitfire.

Meredith: Which means?

Derek: You're going to be fine. We're going to be fine. BabyShep is going to be fine.

Meredith: I feel like I've been telling people I'm fine so much that it's not a word anymore.

Derek: So stop.

Meredith: Stop?

Derek: Stop telling people you're fine. No one expects you to be fine, not me, not your friends, not even the rest of the people at the hospital. No one Mer, feel free to scream and cry and kick things. It's okay not to be fine.

Meredith: Is it?

Derek: I'm not fine.

Meredith: So you scream and cry and kick things?

Derek: Yes but I'll deny the crying bit till the day I die.

Meredith: They'll never believe you.

Meredith: I hate this.

Derek: I hate this too...but time's passing. I'll be home soon.

Meredith: I couldn't do this before Derek. I couldn't do this for anyone but you.

Derek: Why me?

Meredith: Because it's you. Right now, I have two options. One is break up with you and be all dark and twisty for a few months. And then you'll come home and we'll work things out because we're us and still end up together. The other is stay with you, be dark and twisty for a few months and you'll come home and everything will be back to normal. It all ends the same way but there's less drama this way.

Derek: If you had chosen option A I would have been on the next plane home.

Meredith: Now you tell me.

Derek: Less drama this way.

Meredith: More heartache.

Derek: That will be worth it in the end.

Meredith: Come home, Der.

Derek: That's the plan.

Meredith: I miss you.

Derek: I miss you too, but now I need some sleep.

Meredith: I know.

Derek: Tell BabyShep I love him.

Meredith: I'll tell her.

Derek: Lol. I love you too MommyShep.

Meredith: Love you right back.

_If only I could work out this world my way_

**So there you go.**

**I love this chapter. After my angsty email this was such a cute IM conversation. Loved it. Not much else to say...Mer's not really feeling better but she does have Derek on her side. And that's something. So yeah. Please note...he didn't tell her about emails...that will come back up.**

**I might update this later tonight. This or my Christmas one...depends on what I'm in the mood for. But one of them for sure.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I'm having the most stressful week ever. 3 tests and 3 major assignments due. The Grey's people are on Christmas vacation, relaxing in the nice warm Californian sun. So therefore...I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Sorry I didn't update last night. I had major writer's block and everything I tried to write sounded like shit. So no update. But I'm updating now...in the afternoon. Not at 2 in the morning like usual. So this should make up for it. At least I hope it does.**

**To answer some questions from reviews. I'm 22. And in my last year in management and marketing at my local college. I've been dating my boyfriend since I was 18. Which is kind of great and kind of crazy all at once. People keep on wanting to know if this fic is going to continue once Derek gets back...the answer to that is...(drum roll please)...wait and see. I have a plan, a good plan that will probably make people happy, so just be patient. Try some patience. And the only other question I can think of is if Mer knows it's a girl or what. She doesn't know. She hopes it's a girl, she thinks it's a girl. Derek hopes it's a boy, he thinks it's a boy. So that's why if Derek is writing it's a boy, if Mer it's a girl. **

**This chapter is a few weeks after the last chapter. Meredith is now 4 months along. Derek only has 3 months left in Africa.**

**Enjoy!**

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Derek,

Seriously?

Seriously?

You think you're so smart, and charming and great, you really do. But you're an idiot. Seriously. You email all my friends and asked them to watch out for me? Even Bailey. You emailed Bailey and asked her to look out for me. You think you're so cute. You're not. You're an idiot. I can take care of myself. I always have been able to. Just because you and that stupid boy penis knocked me up does not mean I can no longer take care of myself. I am fine. I do not need you emailing my friends and asking them to look out for me.

Cristina told me. She was acting too nice, too supportive. She was like Izzie or something. So I asked her. She let me read the email.

Seriously, Derek.

I send you one emotional email and you go off the deep end.

Why do I put up with you?

In other news...Addison gave me my first ultrasound, with a picture and everything. Der, it was...it was something else. I saw her, I saw the little baby inside of me. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Derek, I never imagine that I could love something as much as I love you. But I was wrong. This baby took your spot as my number one. She's so tiny, and perfect, and beautiful. According to Cristina she's far too tiny to call anything but tiny. Izzie was all teary. And George and Alex started arguing about who her favourite uncle was going to be. I just burst into tears. And of all people, Addie hugged me. Seemingly tears are a normal reaction. Especially when the dad isn't there. Seemingly I'm normal.

She has told me that the baby looks healthy and that there doesn't seem to be any problems. Everything is going more than smoothly.

And then he said she was sorry that you weren't there. But here's the thing...you were. Maybe it's because I was wearing your hoodie. Maybe it's just my pregnancy hormones officially driving me nuts. But you were there. You were all over the room. That moment when she placed the cold gel on my stomach and showed me our baby, I should have felt more alone than ever. But I didn't. Because even though you're an ocean away in that moment I felt you. And it was enough.

And about your hoodies. I'm offically fat. As in I'm actually showing. Not much. But enough that I look pregnant. Just barely, but pregnant. I'm living in sweat pants and scrubs. And your shirts. Because even though mine still kind of fit, you're are just more comfortable at the moment. I don't know if it's because they're bigger, or if it's because they're yours. It's just my choice of clothes right now.

Because I'm fat.

Gloriously, hapilly fat. Which a month ago I didn't think was possible. But now I can't keep my hand off my slowly expanding belly. I can't stop smiling anytime I think of what's to come for her. For me. For you. For us, our family. I didn't think I ever wanted this, especially not now. But now it's happening. And as scared as I am, I wouldn't want it any other way. This feels so right. I've never had a family, not a real one. But now...now I have her (still sticking to that) and you. And you're both mine forever. I have a family.

I couldn't ask for a better one.

And I'm still mad.

Don't think for a second that I've forgotten the fact one third of my family is a brainless brain surgeon. You will pay. There will be consequences. I am still mad. I just don't want to spend my precious minutes that I have emailing you mad. But I am. I am mad.

Oh shit. Nearly forgot to tell you. I got that webcam. So next time we IM you can see the wonderfully fat (and yet pissed off) Meredith.

Three months until your home Derek. Three months.

I can't wait. I live every day just waiting for the day you're home. The day BabyShep is born won't compare. The day we get married won't compare. The day you come home to me will be the best day of my life.

I miss you like crazy.

And I love you even more.

BabyShep loves you too.

Yours forever,

Meredith

PS. Addison made you a copy of the ultrasound picture. It's enclosed. And a little special surprise.

_I'd rather spend it being close to you_

**So it was shortish. But it got some important stuff across. Meredith is mad at overprotective Derek, but not really mad, just kind of mad. And she got her first ultrasound and now she can't wait to be a mother and have her family with Derek. And we're getting closer to time for Derek to come home. **

**I will hopefully update tonight. I have some homework to do and hopefully that won't take too long. I'm really hoping it doesn't. So if I get the work done this will be updated. As for the Christmas one being updated...I think this week is going to be too stressful to think happy Christmasy stuff...I have a lot of tests and papers due. So that will probably not come till Friday, as my last test is Thursday.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I should have put it on my Christmas list. Wonder if Santa would be willing to give me GA for Christmas? He could wrap up McDreamy and put him under my tree. Okay he doesn't have to wrap him up...just put a bow on his head...or elsewhere.**

**Sorry for no update last night...I had a test that needed studying for. And I didn't do so well on it anyway. Probably was counterproductive that my head kept saying "Me? I'm kind of screwed." the whole time I was writing the test. Thank god I only have one left.**

**I think this fic now has an official length...20 chapters. Hopefully only 20. That's the goal. And of course an epilogue. 6 more chapters should take me to exactly where I want to be to end this off. And I'm saying it now...chances are very good that there will be a sequel to this fic. People always beg for them and I never do them. But this one, might actually happen. Probably will actually. But that will come later.**

**Enjoy! (and yes the secret will be revealed...although it seems kind of lame after all the excitement you guys had over it).**

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Dear Meredith,

You're entirely right, BabyShep is the most beautiful sight in the enitre world.

And so are you.

That little surprise, that picture of you was just awesome. You've gotten more beautiful, and I didn't think that was possible. And you are showing, just barely, but enough to make me...well I don't know what but something. I should keep you pregnant all the time, you're just glowing.

God, I love you.

And god I miss you. I was hoping to catch you online, but seemingly luck isn't with me. I'm sure you're off saving lives and impressing everyone. But I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to see your belly, I wanted to see your smiling face. I just wanted to see you.

A few weeks have gone by since you sent me that email you shouldn't have sent me, and now seemingly I'm having the same kind of day. But I'm sending this. And I should be sending this because you need to know how much I love you, how much I need you. I woke up this morning literally aching for you to be beside me. It was all I wanted. I woke up in tears because you weren't there. The warmth of your body, the smell of your hair, the softness of your skin, it wasn't there.

I feel like such a cliche, but I had no idea how much I had come to depend on you until it wasn't there anymore.

And I don't like depending on people. My mom raised me. And I had my sisters. And Addison. All strong woman who never depended on me, and I never depended on them. And you're strong but a different strong. You are a strong that makes me stronger, a strong that I can depend on, a strong that pulls me in. I didn't even realize that until now. Now that I'm away from you, I realize that it's you who made me. Which is so terrifying and wonderful.

I know you grew up without a family and this is a first for you, but please understand, this is a first for me too. I had a family. But you and BabyShep, you're my family.

Okay, that doesn't make as much sense on paper (or screen as it is) as it did in my head.

I think you get it though.

And god I hate not being there. I feel like a chump for not being there. The one time in my life where I've really had somewhere I should be, and I'm in Africa. What was I thinking when I went to Africa? Why didn't you stop me? I shouldn't be here. I don't need to help all these other children when I should be at home awating the arrival of my own. God, Mer, I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to be back in Seattle, with you and BabyShep, finally living the life I have always dreamed of. But here I am. In Africa.

Right now I feel more like you than me right now. With the rambling incoherently in letters.

Maybe a need a new McNickname, because right now McDreamy doesn't fit so well.

If I had my way, I would be on the next plane out of Africa, I wouldn't spend another minute here.

Another doctor tried to hit on me today, you would have laughed at her attempt. It was pathetic to say the least. Not smooth in the slightest, I told her I was off the market and she got all flustered and said something about me not having a wedding ring on so she didn't know. And then she got an earful of you and little BabyShep. All she said was that she wishes she could find what you obviously have. Seemingly, Dr. Grey, you are one lucky lady.

Of course, you knew that already.

It made me miss you though.

And realize that I need to take care of this lack of a ring issue as soon as I get home.

Less than three months till I'm home now. I remember arriving here and thinking how wonderful it was, how great it was to be here. And now all I want to do is go home. It's not just because of the baby, although he's a big part of it. It's because of you. You're where I belong. And although my head was messed up after Mom died, I don't know why it took me going away to realize that.

I promise I'm never going away again.

Wait until Webber tries to send me to a conference, he will be shocked at my unwillingness to leave.

From now on Mer, it's you and me. And BabyShep...and future BabySheps.

But mainly you and me.

I love you. I wrote this whole long winded email just to say I love you.

I love you.

And I miss you.

I would love to write more but seemingly someone just came in with a head injury so they need me. Hope to talk to you soon.

Tell BabyShep I love him.

And I love you too.

Yours For Always

Derek

PS. Oh the tape I sent with this...it's me. According to Addison BabyShep will start learning the voices of his parents within the womb. Also according to Addison I'll get home in plenty of time for him (which she also considers a female, thanks for poisoning her by the way) to learn mine, but I don't want to risk it. So it's a recording of my voice. Talking to BabyShep. And you. Because I don't want you to forget my voice either.

_Travelin' around sure gets me down and lonely_

**So there was McDreamy's kind of sort of flip out chapter. It was hard to write. Because when he's in a mood he gets quiet, and walks around, and runs his fingers through his hair. But he can't do that in an email so it was hard. I hope I captured him. I really do. And yes even when he was flipping out he was madly in love with Mer.**

**In great news...tomorrow's my last day of school till January!! How cool is that?? I'm so happy. So so happy. And it means tomorrow night I will update this and maybe even the Christmas one. If not tomorrow that one will definitely be hit on Friday. And hopefully will update the Season 3 one by the end of the weekend (but I have a lot of work so maybe not but i'm going to try). And I have another one in the works. Hahaha. So expect lots from me in the next 3 weeks.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Because I'm pretty sure everyone involved in Grey's Anatomy is out celebrating the Golden Globe nomination. Out having a grand old time. Not at home writing fanfics. So yeah, not mine.**

**I'm done school!! Yay for me! Completely totally yay for me. So this is my updating more often, like in the next 3 weeks a lot more often. Which I'm so happy about that...because I want to finish this one. Mainly because I'm so uber excited for the ending of this fic, lol. I guess that's what happens when you write it far ahead of time. Because now I just want to share it. And it's coming.**

**I love how much people love this fic...it makes me smile.**

**And here is one of the always popular IM chapters! Yay! crowd goes wild**

**Enjoy!**

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Mrs.McDreamy has logged on 10:00 AM

Derek: Seriously?

Mrs. McDreamy: Seriously.

Mrs. McDreamy: Who's the boring one now?

Derek: You have McDreamy in your nickname. You stole my nickname. That doesn't make you unboring.

Mrs. McDreamy: I thought you wanted a new McNickname.

Derek: That's just because I was feeling dark and twisty.

Mrs. McDreamy: You don't get to feel dark and twisty.You're the one that left.

Derek: So that email meant nothing to you?

Derek: Meredith...

Mrs. McDreamy: Of course that email meant something to me.

Derek: Which would be...

Mrs. McDreamy: That you're still my McDreamy.

Derek: No new McNickname?

Mrs. McDreamy: No new McNickname.

Derek: Good.

Derek: So you have a webcam.

Mrs. McDreamy: So I've heard.

Derek: You could turn it on.

Mrs. McDreamy: Okay. But I'm warning you, I'm fat.

Derek: Remember...I love fat pregnant Meredith.

Mrs. McDreamy: I've gotten fatter since the picture.

Derek: I don't think I care.

Mrs. McDreamy; Fine.

Mrs. McDreamy has turned her webcam on.

Mrs. McDreamy: Der??

Mrs. McDreamy: Der? You okay?

Derek: Yeah...yeah... I'm fine.

Mrs. McDreamy: Der?

Derek: You look...beautiful.

Mrs. McDreamy: I look fat.

Derek: Let me see the baby bump.

Mrs. McDreamy: You okay, Derek?

Derek: I want to come home. God I want to go home.

Mrs. McDreamy: I want you home.

Derek: Don't cry Mer. I'm seeing you for the first time in months, please don't cry.

Mrs. McDreamy: And you're not crying?

Derek: You can't see me.

Mrs. McDreamy: I don't want to cry. I hate crying. I hate you for the crying. Because crying is all I've been doing for the past three and a half months. And I don't like it.

Derek: Two and a half more months hun.

Mrs. McDreamy: That's a life time.

Derek: I know.

Derek: So is he kicking yet?

Mrs. McDreamy: No, but she's moving arond a lot. She doesn't like standing still.

Derek: Taking after his daddy.

Mrs. McDreamy: Her daddy's voice is the only thing that calms her down.

Derek: What?

Mrs. McDreamy: That tape you sent. The only time she stays still is when I play that tape. I play it to her everynight at bed time.

Derek: So you like the tape?

Mrs. McDreamy: I listen to it every night before I go to bed.

Derek: I'm glad.

Mrs. McDreamy: BabyShep and I need her daddy home.

Derek: Daddy knows.

Mrs. McDreamy: I have to go. Seemingly I need maternity clothes and Addison and Izzie are here dragging me away. They both say hi.

Derek: Addison?

Mrs. McDreamy: Yeah. That should be awkward, right? I mean going maternity shopping with your boyfriend's ex, awkward, right?

Derek: Mer, relax. Our situation has always been awkward.

Mrs. McDreamy: So it's okay?

Derek: I'm just happy she's there for you.

Mrs. McDreamy: This is Izzie...as you can see...we are taking her. Now. Because if we left her to herself she'd sit here all day talking to you. And that's not healthy. For any of the three of you.

Derek: Lol. Take her Izz. Make sure she actually get some stuff. She knows where my credit cards are.

Mrs. McDreamy: Your credit cards?

Derek: Stop smiling like that Izz, you're scaring me.

Mrs. McDreamy: Me again...shooed her away so I can say bye.

Derek: So I saw.

Mrs. McDreamy: Come home to see me soon.

Derek: Will do.

Mrs. McDreamy: BabyShep and I love you.

Derek: I love you both too.

Mrs. McDreamy: Bye.

Mrs. McDreamy has turned off her webcam.

Mrs, McDreamy has logged off 11:30 AM.

_Nothing else to do but close my mind_

**Sorry this chapter wasn't up last night. I was writing it late...after being up really early...and my eyes were litterally closing at my laptop. So I gave up and went to bed. But it's up now. With another one to follow. So hopefully it's all good.**

**I actually have some explanations to go with this one. First...all the times Mer would say "Der?" was because it had been a while since he had said anything. Because he was so overwhelmed at seeing her on the cam...so silence. As he cried. So she needed to prompt him into saying things, which if you ask me is cute and adorable. Other than that...Izzie and Addison. It was only supposed to be Izzie. But Addie stubbornly came along...no reason, just when I wrote it, she was there. Wierd I know. And Izzie jumping in and telling Der they were taking Mer away, all smiles on the webcame just seemed like an Izzie thing to do. And Mer and BabyShep both fall asleep to Derek's voice.**

**Don't we all want to fall asleep to Derek's voice?**

**Anyway...as I said...there should be an update immediately following this one.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I just asked my boyfriend if he though Santa would give me Grey's Anatomy for Christmas. He said there was no such thing as Santa, so I called him Cristina. And than he said Santa couldn't give GA to people for Christmas as there is only one GA. I guess he's right about that but such a butt head for breaking my hopes and dreams. I really want Santa to give me GA.**

**I can't think of anything to say as I just wrote a chapter. Remember...kind of coming to a slow close. This email is sent 2 weeks after the IM chapter, so now it's down to 2 months until Derek gets home. So the baby is 5 months along. **

**Enjoy!**

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Derek,

You should get online to see me sometime soon.

According to Addison I popped.

According to me, the neuro resident, I went to bed last night looking kind of pregnant and woke up this morning looking really pregnant. I have this big round belly that seemingly came out of no where.

Also according to Addison my stomach wouldn't look so big and round if I wasn't so small and tiny.

I know you and Addison are working on this whole being friends thing, since you have both moved on so well after that mess that you called a marriage, and I know you were probably hoping that I to would be friends with Addison. But right now I don't like her that much. It's all Meredith this...and Meredith that. She thinks she knows everything. She's a know it all. A very bossy know it all. And everytime I get like well me...she laughs and gives me a sympathetic look.

I don't like her.

Oh yes, according to Addison BabyShep should have been kicking already. At least a little.

But no BaybShep has yet to kick me. Not even a little.

Of course according to Addison we shouldn't be worried. Addison did an ultrasound and everything looks fine. And the fact she's moving is good. According to Addison BabyShep is probably just a docile little baby who doesn't feel the need to kick her mother as much as some.

And I can hear you laughing and asking why I'm upset that we seemingly have a healthy baby. I'm upset because once again Addison was McKnowitall.

How did you two stand to live in the same house? She's a know it all. You're a know it all. How did you not kill eachother?

Never mind, I don't think I want to know.

I also hate penguins.

Because today I feel like a penguin. Since this big round belly appeared over night I've been waddling around everywhere. It's unattractive and it hurts my feet. I'm not a fan of the waddling.

Yes, I'm hormonal.

I'm also craving Chinese food.

I hate Chinese food.

And the only reason I'm not being all hormonal over you is because you're home in two months. That one third of the time you were there for. And today, I'm feeling really good about that. We've done 4 months, we can do another two. It's going to be easy.

And my belief that is actually going to be easy is probably another symptom of my hormones. As I may or may not be going crazy.

I'm 5 months pregnant, Derek. I can go crazy.

I'm 5 months pregnant with a baby that I didn't even know I wanted until it was there. 5 months pregnant with a baby that wasn't even in my plans until you were there and changing all my plans. And as much as I hate the big round belly, I wouldn't want it any other way. God Derek, I want this so much. I want you and this baby so much.

I'm used to wanting things, I'm just not used to getting the things I want.

However, I've decided that we're not having another child until they figure out how to let men carry children. And then you can carry the next BabyShep.

And I'm horny. I'm fat, bloated, sore, tired...and horny. And according to McKnowitall that's a normal hormonal reaction. However it's also normal for the baby's father to be around to take care of that horniness. Instead I get to use a vibrator that Cristina insisted I buy after I told her of the problem. It was mortifying by the way. Buying it.

In other words, get your ass home so I don't need a vibrator.

Especially since when BabyShep ends up being a girl I'll have you as my sex slave.

And McKnowitall...she even knows what sex the baby is. The other day during the ultrasound (new picture included) she smiled at one point and now just smiles anytime I bring up the baby. She knows. And I think she told Mark because he smiles too. And Bailey. And Joe. Everyone but me and you is going to know the sex of this baby. The hospital is a strange world.

My life is a strange world without you.

It's like everything is normal except for your not here. Which makes everything so not normal. It's like there's a hole everywhere I am. There's a place where you should be and it's just empty. It's not a feeling I'm a fan of.

This has probably been the most ramblnig email of them all.

So I am finishing it. Besides I have to pee...our little girl is currently sitting on my bladder. I love her.

And I love you.

So does she.

Miss you. Come home to us soon.

Yours Forever

Meredith

_I sure hope the road don't come to own me._

**Ooooh...I like that chapter. Meredith is kind of going crazy. I must say it is cute. Ever so cute. And besides that, I have nothing to say about this chapter.**

**Tomorrow I work and then I'm headed to my boyfriend's house but will probably write an update there. So you can expect something to be posted around this time tmomorrow night as well. It will be Derek's letter. And it will hopefully be just as wonderful. And the Christmas one...it will be updated soonish. Maybe tomorrow night...maybe Sunday. With Christmas just over a week away my life has gotten busy...but I am going to get that up before Christmas. Do not fear. And in really crazy news...Season 3 should be updated before Christmas as well. I started working on it tonight and it's going to be a great "episode".**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: This is another one of those days that I'm feeling a little uncreative on the disclaimer side. Just can't think of anything funny...maybe because I just fed my beast, brains a little mushy. Regardless...nothing creative. But I don't own Grey's. That's all.**

**Thanks for all the great reviews of the last two chapters. Or at least what I imagine were all the great reviews...I've been working all day and now I'm at my boyfriend's house where I don't go online so I haven't actually read them. But since when has anybody said anything bad about me? So thanks.**

**So this chapter is Derek's response to Meredith's email that was rather long and rambly, but happy and cute all at once. This is about 2 weeks later, so he'll be home in a month and a half. I know that that jump seems large...but honestly me and my best friend who live far away and are only college students have problems finding time to send proper emails...so one can assume two busy doctors, no matter how much in love would have even bigger issues. So yeah...it's been 2 weeks. And I think they'd probably email more often...but this works for this fic, or else it would be so long that it would become quite boring.**

**Enjoy!**

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Meredith,

First, and most importantly...a vibrator? You have no idea how hot that is. Don't think for a second you're getting rid of that when I get home.

I am not a know it all. For you to even suggest that I'm a know it all...well it's insulting. I am not a know it all.

Addison, well she is. At least when it comes to babies. Which is why she's an ob/gyn and you're a neurosurgeon. Which is why I'm sure she'd be happy for any neuro advice you can give her should she ever have a brain injury. However, for now, I think you should probably take her word on this baby stuff.

As for the waddling, you're probably the most beautiful waddler ever.

And I want to see that big round belly. It's been so crazy here recently...some fighthing broke out nearby and it's kept us all hopping. Which is why it's taken me so long to respond, but I'm sure you assumed that. I was really hoping that I could catch you online right now, but didn't really expect it. But that round belly, god I want to see it. I imagine it's the most beautiful thing in the word, my Meredith carrying our little boy. I always knew I wanted to be a dad. I never realized that the waiting would feel so good.

Except for the whole being in Africa thing.

A month and a half left.

According to everyone at the clinic here, I'm a new man. I'm smiling more and every day, it's just that much better than the last day. My boss told me I'm like a prison inmate counting down the days till my release. He asked to inspect my room to see it there was marks on the wall. I'm so happy. So little time left here. It's going to come and go so quickly.

And then I'll be home.

Maybe I am like a prison inmate.

I don't think I regret going here though. Would I do it all over if I could? No. I would have stayed home with you. But I don't regret what I did. Meredith, I really feel like I've helped so much. I saved lives that would have been lost without me, because they didn't have another hospital to go to. It's been...something else. I have learned so much about...everything. Medicine, myself, you. I'm never going to be ungrateful for what I have ever again, because they have so little and yet are so grateful. And I have so much. I don't regret coming here.

Although I'm pretty certain I'm never going anywhere without you again.

I've emailed Richard. He's cut my leave short so I start immediately when I get back. I thought about just taking the six months for the baby...but not working would drive me nuts. However, he's arranging things so around the time of the due date I won't be in any lengthy surgeries, and more importantly nothing someone else can't finish, so I'll be able to pull out the second you go into labour if it comes to that. After BabyShep comes he's okayed me taking a short paternity leave so we can adapt to this together. I've told you I'm not leaving you alone. And after that, well you already know about the lighter rotation so I have more time at home and you have more time to concentrate on your carreer.

I told you we can do this, Mer.

I thought about proposing the second I get home, but have decided against it, so don't be looking for any rings. I want to marry you, but I want to figure everything out first, adapt to having a third little person with us, figure out the parent thing. And then we'll make us officially permanent. I'm going to wait to make an honest woman out of you.

God, Mer. I can't believe that in just over a month I'm going to be there. To be able to fall asleep beside you and to touch you and kiss you...and do that thing you like in the shower with you.

These last six months have been some of the best and worst of my life. Now I'm just happy that they're nearly over.

I can't wait to see you online. I can't wait to talk to you and see your belly.

I can't wait to get home to you.

I'm off...the boys want to go out for drinks so I'm going to go with them.

Tell BabyShep Daddy loves him.

Daddy loves Mommy too.

Miss you.

Yours For Always

Derek

_There's so many dreams_

**So the plans begin for the big home arrival. Derek's talking to people, figuring things out, getting ready for life back in Seattle. And the fact he's going home soon is making him so happy that his coworkers are starting to notice it. Derek is going home and life is good. **

**The next chapter should be up immediately following this one...and it's IM. It's my last IM chapter. Wow. It's going to be cute and bubbly of course. They have something to discuss...something bright and shiney, but you will have to wait to see what that is. God, I'm excited for the ending of this fic, which is strange but I am. Lol.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: It's been less than an hour since I wrote my last uncreative disclaimer, so don't think for a second that I've become more creative since. Because I haven't. My brain is still post sex mush. Or maybe it's just tired mush. I'm not sure. It's one of them. So just be happy you're getting a second update for the night.**

**So as I said...this is my last IM chapter. Obviously between Meredith and Derek. About two weeks after the last email, so yes that means it's exactly one month until Derek gets home. Exciting I know. And for the sake of this IM, we're pretending they've talked online sometime within the last two weeks. Because as much as he's so uber cute when he sees the baby bump, I don't want to spend another entire IM conversation about his reaction to her stomach. Because that's going to covered soon enough when he gets home so no need to cover it now. So yeah, he has seen the big round belly, you just missed it.**

**Enjoy!**

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SexyShep has logged on 3:30 pm

Meredith: So we're back to that.

SexyShep: And we're back to you with the boring name.

Meredith: You can't be sexy. You're going to be a dad. Dads aren't sexy. **(AN: Not true. Patrick is a dad...and sexy as all hell.)**

SexyShep: I'll be a sexy dad.

Meredith: You'll be a sexy dad?

SexyShep: Oh yes.

Meredith: Lol.

SexyShep: Hey, I'm just being honest.

Meredith: I'm sure you believe that.

SexyShep: What? I'm sexy.

Meredith: Yes, for someone as arrogant as you are, you are sexy.

SexyShep: Is that a compliment?

Meredith: I'm not sure.

SexyShep: So when were you planning on telling me that our house was finished?

Meredith: Our house was finished?

SexyShep: Don't try to pretend you didn't know, the contractor was shocked you hadn't told me.

Meredith: I didn't see a point.

SexyShep: You didn't see a point of telling me we have a finished house?

Meredith:...yes.

SexyShep: So what's the real reason?

Meredith: I freaked out.

SexyShep: You freaked out?

Meredith: I freaked out. The house was just so there. And it was so big and just there. I didn't know if I was ready for the house.

SexyShep: Mer...it's okay...

Meredith: I am. I am ready for the house. I just...I freaked. Hormones.

SexyShep: No, Mer, that was just you.

Meredith: Besides it's not like I was going to live in the house without you. I'm waiting.

SexyShep: You can move in if you want.

Meredith: No. It's our house. We'll move in together.

SexyShep: Our house. Is it nice?

Meredith: It's perfect.

SexyShep: Explains the freak out.

Meredith: No it doesn't.

SexyShep: Yes it does. You're not used to perfect. You're not used to getting all this. So when you do, you freak out.

Meredith: I don't...

SexyShep: Yes you do. And stop. You have me now.

Meredith: I know, it's just...

SexyShep: Meredith...

Meredith: Don't give me that look.

SexyShep: God, I miss you.

Meredith: One month.

SexyShep: One month. And then we're moving in. And confirming that I won the bet.

Meredith: About that...

SexyShep: You didn't cheat, did you?

Meredith: No. No. Of course not...I just don't think I want to know until she's born.

SexyShep: You want to wait?

Meredith: I kind of like not knowing.

SexyShep: You just don't want to know you lost.

Meredith: I'm the one that's carrying this child. I should know. It's a girl.

SexyShep: Boy.

Meredith: Girl.

SexyShep: Boy.

Meredith: It's after one there, shouldn't you go to bed?

SexyShep: Oh I see, avoiding the argument.

Meredith: Just avoiding the stupid boyfriend. And making sure he gets some sleep.

SexyShep: Fine.

Meredith: I love you.

SexyShep: I love you too. Love BabyShep too.

Meredith: One month.

SexyShep: One month

SexyShep has logged off 4:23 PM.

_I'm yet to find_

**See something bright and shiney to talk about, their house is done but Meredith kind of flipped out. Because let's face it...Meredith did not live a life that prepares one for building a perfect house on gorgeous land with their McDreamy while pregnant with their child. That's not the life Meredith would have ever imagined. And yet it's the one she got in this fanfic (and I hope ultimately on the show) so she's kind of flipping out. But she does want the house. And the life. Just not till Derek gets home. And they are both still convinced that it's a girl or a boy...but only one can be right. But who??**

**Next update will be up tomorrow night. Sometime after supper. Not 100 sure what time...just sometime after supper. **

**Read. Love. Review.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I just don't. Simple as that. Because if I did...well it wouldn't be in hiatus right now. Because I'm going through major withdrawals and it sucks. So yeah, I definitely don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**Sorry I didn't update last night...it's that wonderful time of month and my brain just didn't feel like functioning in any creative way. I did try to update but what I wrote...well it sucked. And because it sucked I'm kind of sort of changing my plan on what I'm doing. I was going to have one more chapter that was a letter during that last month, but it just wasn't working out at all. So it's changed.**

**So this chapter...it's not an email. Or a letter. Or an IM. It's a month after the last IM. Yes, a month.**

**Enjoy!**

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Okay, she had to be here.

I had been back on American soil for less than an hour. I had gone to the hospital, I had gone to her house, I had gone to my trailer, everywhere. When all I really wanted to do was sleep. But I had to find her first, because sleeping without her just didn't seem like an option, not after all this time.

The last place I had thought to look was a bar.

Of course, she was my Meredith. Why wouldn't she be in a bar, even 7 months pregnant.

And there she was. In all her beautiful pregnant glory, sipping on what appeared to be a coke, sitting in her favourite stool, laughing hard at something someone said. She was glowing in a way that the webcam had failed to pick up, she looked so happy. So beauitful. So pregnant. I used to silently laugh at men who talked about falling in love all over again, but in that moment, in the moment it was like the first time I had seen her, sitting in the same stool, the first time I had fallen in love with her. In that moment I fell in love with her all over again.

In that moment I'm pretty sure my heart stopped.

"Are you going to stand her all night and stare at her? Or are you actually planning on going over and making her happy?" a snarky voice said from beside me.

"Miranda," I greeted the shorter woman standing beside me.

"Shepherd, glad to see Africa didn't smarten you up any. You're still an idiot," she said, but she was smiling at me.

"Miss me?" I asked, quietly laughing at her, hoping my voice wouldn't carry across the bar to Meredith.

"Like a brain tumour," she snidely remarked. "Now, why are you standing here having a conversation with me, when you could be making her so happy?"

I looked over at Meredith, who was smiling brilliantly now, listening to something Cristina was telling Joe. "She looks happy to me," I said with a shrug.

"You so damn stupid," Bailey answered me, rolling her eyes and walking away.

I looked back over at Meredith. She did look happy enough, she hadn't stopped smiling since I had seen her and only happy pregnant woman glowed like that. She was happy. But her eyes, they weren't happy. They looked haunted, empty. Sad and lonely. Her face was full of smiles, but her eyes were aching. I recognized the look far too well, having seen it myself in the mirror for nearly 6 months.

But I was home now.

I walked up beside her, to the side she wasn't facing and my senses were assulted with lavender. I took a deep breath and smiled, motioning Joe, who has seen me approach not to say anything.

"Double scotch, single malt please," I ordered.

I felt the air around Meredith change, from relaxed to tense. She had recognized my voice. Actually more accurately, she was probably thinking that she had recognized my voice but as she hadn't been expecting me home till next week, she probably thought she was hearing things. But she tensed, didn't turn around, just tensed.

"So is this a good place to hang out?" I asked, looking at the back of her head. The line sounded lame on my lips, just as it had the first time, but it fit. It felt right to say it again.

Her head whipped around. Her eyes weren't empty anymore, they didn't look sad and lonely. The second her eyes met mine they were full of happiness and unshed tears. Shock filled her face, as she silently whispered my name, a single tear running down her cheek.

"You're home," she finally said, what felt like hours later but was probably just seconds.

"I am now," I responded, giving her what had to be my best McDreamy smile.

And then it didn't matter what I said, or how I smiled. Before I had time to say anything else, before I had time to think anything else she launched herself off the stool and into my arms. My Meredith was in my arms. Her lips pressed hard against mine, her mouth demanding entry into my mouth, which I easily gave, loving the familiar taste that I had missed so much. I pulled her close against me, feeling her expanded belly fit unnaturally against mine. As her fingers tangled through my hair, I found myself briefly missing my Meredith, the one that fit so closely against me. But then I remembered that she was carrying my child, our child, and it all felt right again, as I pulled her even closer and moved to deepen the kiss.

Someone cleared their throat.

"Meredith, Derek, not that I'm not happy for you, I am. But this is a public place, do you think you could..." Joe said, smiling awkwardly.

Joe didn't get a chance to finish whatever it is that he had planned to say, not that I think I wanted to hear it, as it probably wasn't telling me to remove all of Meredith's clothes and take her right there on the bar.

But Alex cut him off. "Yeah, they have washrooms for that kind of stuff."

Meredith and I laughed, me still holding her close, and wondering how wrong it would look if I dragged her towards the washroom right now. I imagined not so good, and with the look Joe was giving Alex, it might have left his him less than pleased.

"You're not supposed to be home," Meredith said, turning her attention back to me.

"Are you complaining?" I teased her, she quickly shook her head, pulling herself closer to me, resting her head in the crook of my neck. "There was an earlier flight out, and I was allowed to take it. I was going to tell you...but I wanted it to be a surprise."

"I'm happy," she responded, pulling back slightly. And she was. She looked so happy and so beautiful. God I had misssed her, god I loved her.

"So this is BabyShep," I said, surprised to hear that my voice sounded a little choked up, as my hands moved from her back to her belly.

"No, that's my fat belly," she said with a happy giggle.

I laughed myself and bent forward, gently kissing her lips and leaning even more over, kissing her stomach gently. "I'm home BabyShep," I whispered to the stomach, "I told you I would be," I said, gently rubbing her stomach.

I looked up to find Meredith looking down at me, her eyes filled with tears. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered back, feeling in awe of the beautiful woman that stood beside me. "I love you too," I whispered to her stomach, feeling a bit foolish talking to her stomach in the middle of a bar. But dads were supposed to talk to the stomachs. It wasn't my fault that my pregnant girlfriend thought a bar was a good place to hang out.

I heard Cristina groan from the other side of Mer. "Joe, he's talking to the uterus and his spawn that's still inside it. Please kick them out...or something," she said, not having changed a bit in the last six months.

"What? They're cute, I'm happy for them," Joe said shrugging and passing me a drink. "It's on the house, Dr. Shepherd."

"Thanks," I answered, but didn't bother looking at him. I was too busy staring at Meredith, who was too busy staring at me.

My hand rested on her stomach and suddenly I felt something push against it.

"She kicked!" Meredith cried out smiling. "She finally kicked. I can't believe she kicked. I mean, she hasn't kicked ever, and she kicked, wow. Der, she kicked."

I laughed. "He kicked because he's happy there is someone who finally gets his sex right."

"Girl." Meredith said, smiling at me, looking confident.

"Boy," I argued back.

"Girl."

"Boy."

"Seriously, stop. Find out. He's home, go across the street and find out," Cristina said, sounding annoyed.

"We're waiting," I answered her, smiling at her.

"That's stupid," Alex argued with me.

"I think it's cute," Izzie said with a huge smile.

"I think it's stupid, everyone else knows, Montgomery told us all," Cristina argued rolling her eyes.

George piped in with his opinion of our decision to wait to find out the sex, but I had stopped listening. Meredith's hands had found the spot on my back where it fit so well and I couldn't help but look at her. And looking her, all glowy and pregnant, after so much time being apart, what others were saying about us or anything else, just didn't matter that much. In that moment the only people in the room were Meredith and I, and that's all that mattered. And she looked back at me, in a way that made me breathless, in a way that made it clear that she was in the same place as I was, not even realizing that people around us were talking.

Cristina hitting Meredith in the back of her head, pulling us back out of our place.

"You haven't heard a word we've said, have you?" George complained.

"No," Meredith said, sounding kind of out of it, giving me a sly smile.

"You guys are so cute," Izzie gushed.

"Thanks," I responded, smiling slyly back Meredith.

"Enough with the eye sex, get a room," Cristina said. "Hell you have a house, use it."

Meredith went to say something in response but I decided not to give her a chance to let the words escape her mouth, I leaned forward and capture her lips in my own, kissing her far too passionately for a public place, but there was some things that were worth feeling the wrath of Joe for. Not that I was planning on staying around that long anyway. I grabber her legs in my hands and lifted her up, my hands grabbing her bottom as I started to make my leave. The baby had made her heavier, but she was still such a tiny little thing, and she felt so good in my arms.

I pulled my lips away from her. "Good to be home guys, we'll have to catch up...later," I choked out as Meredith's lips started exploring my neck.

They just laughed as I turned away, Meredith lips briefly meeting mine, before I began to carry her out of the bar, her mouth exploring every part of my neck with every step. We ignored the catcalls that followed us. We ignored Cristina's comment about wanting to McVomit. We ignored Joe's comment about how it was all eerily similar to the first night we met.

None of that mattered anymore.

I was home.

We were home.

**Derek's back! And as McDreamy and caught up in Meredith as ever. And she's all caught up in him. And they're both so happy to have eachother to hold on to and look at again, they just don't care. And I don't know why I made the reunion so public, why everyone was there, it just happened that way. Derek wasn't supposed to come home that day, he came home earlyish to surprise her. So she was out with her friends and they were there. I liked them there, it made it all...I don't know. Derek's home, lol. It's sad that I'm excited about Derek being home, right?**

**Next chapter is the last chapter...unless you count the epilogue. It will be later that night...maybe the next morning. Not sure when it will happen but sometime when they are still just back together, and no one will be there, just them. And it's from Meredith's perspective. And might be up later tonight...going to start working on it and see if I get it done.**

**Here's the other news. If it's not up tonight...well it won't be up till Wednesday night probably. I'm headed to my boyfriend's for the night tomorrow, so nothing will be updated. At all. But don't worry, Wednesday night when I'm back around there will be lots and lots of updates that I've spent the day working on but didn't post. And well a new story possibly. We shall see. Probably no new story...but possibly an update on Season 3. Have to see how the day goes.**

**Okay enough rambling.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Me, I don't own Grey's. Right now I'm laying on my boyfriend's couch, my laptop in front of me, watching him play Rainbow 6 on his 360...somehow I doubt the people who actually own Grey's write episodes this way. Maybe they do...but doubtful. So yeah, it's not mine. Oh but I wish it was.**

**This is the last chapter of So Far Away, well the last chapter not counting the epilogue that will come after this. But well, that's after this.**

**This chapter is Meredith...we all loved Derek's excitement at being home but now it's time to hear how Meredith feels about Derek being home. So this chapter is entirely from Meredith's perspective, and it's the morning after he got there. They are alone in their house...the one that was built on Derek's property. As it's Meredith's dream home she also furnished it, although I didn't put it in the fic, it happened. So they have furniture in the house already. It was all ready to move into...Mer was just waiting for Der. So here it is...the morning after.**

**Enjoy!**

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A kick woke me up just as the sun was rising.

There was something intrinsicly wrong with waking up with the sunrise when you finally have a day off.

But then I felt the unfamiliar warmth pressed up against my back, the legs tangled in my own and the arm gently resting around my stomach, and it didn't matter so much that the birds hadn't even bothered waking up yet. Derek was home. Being up this early with Derek home, well it was worth it.

I didn't wake him up. Before too long we'd have a baby in the house keeping us both up far too often.

I had forgotten what this felt like, waking up beside him and feeling entirely happy. Without turning around I could see him in my mind, his perfect hair rummpled from sleep, in need of a shave and a gentle smile curving his lips. Most of his time awake he looked happy, but stressed which had to be expected with our jobs, but when he was sleeping, he was just him. And so damn beautiful. It took a lot of willpower not to turn around and look but I liked just feeling him beside me. And didn't want to ruin the moment.

Than I felt his arm tighten around my waist.

"Go back to sleep," he mummered into my hair, his voice husky with sleep, a wonderful reminder to the night before.

"How did you know I was awake? I asked, cuddling closer to him.

"I always know, Mer," came the muffled answer.

"It's been six months," I argued. He was right, he had always been able to tell if I was asleep, but after six months of seperation I hadn't been so sure of it.

"And I still know," he said, sounding cocky. "Now go to bed. You and BabyShep both need sleep."

"Than tell your daughter to stop kicking me," I laughed. Apparently last night BabyShep had finally learned how to kick, and she hadn't stopped since. Apparently, she was as happy as I was to have her daddy home. Of course, I wasn't kicking anyone.

"Son, stop kicking your mother," he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Daughter," I said giggling.

I heard a rumble in his chest, as he rolled over, pushing one of my shoulders towards the bed, effectively pinning me down. "Son," he said, a perfect smile spread across his features.

I found myself wondering exactly what karma I had earned that gave me this man. "Daughter," I argued. This argument was not the time to compliment him, no matter how grateful I was to have him in my bed.

"Son," he argued back.

"Daughter," I said stubbornly.

"You do realize I've been home less than 24 hours and we've already had this argument twice?" he asked, laughter lighting up his face.

"Well get used to it, we still have two months to go," I said, my hand finding his still resting on my stomach.

"Two months," he smiled. He had been home less than 24 hours and I was quite certain that smile hadn't left his face once. It was strange, having this kind of power over anyone, especially Derek. He was so strong, so sure of himself and who he was. Even when he stumbled, he was always Derek. Me, I've always been the one that was kind of screwed, lost and unsure of everything. And yet this amazing man needed me to keep that smile on his face. I wasn't used to being needed by anyone, let alone someone like him.

Another kick.

Derek wasn't the only one that needed me now.

"We're going to be parents, Der," I said to him, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. It was one thing to admit my fear in emails to him, another thing to admit it to his face, when he was there and could give me those eyes, the ones that make me forget my place, let alone any fear.

He heard it anyway. "We'll be fine, Mer," he reassured me, running his fingers gently through my hair and giving me those eyes I had expected.

"How? How are we going to be fine? We don't know how to be parents. We know nothing about being parents. My mom...well she was never there, she didn't care. Your mom..." I trailed off. Derek's mom was intense, but it was a sore spot between us so I never liked bringing her up.

"Was always there and cared too much," he said, obviously not wanting to start an argument when he just got back. "We can find a happy medium."

"How? I don't think we know a happy medium," I argued. I had had this conversation a thousand times in my head, but this felt better, being able to hash out my fears to Derek, knowing that he'd always be there to listen, even when I did feel slightly crazy. I hated admitting my fears to him, but those eyes kept me talking. "I don't know if we can do this."

"We can do this. Together, we can do this. I know you're scared, it's okay. So am I. But we can do this," Derek said.

"You sound pretty sure of yourself."

"I am. If my brother in laws can figure out this dad thing, I'm pretty sure I can do it," Derek said laughing. "And we have everyone here to help us out."

"We do," I responded, snuggling up closer to him.

I had missed this, I had forgotten how much I missed this. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, it fit so well there, like it was meant to be there. His soft breath ruffled the hair on top my head, as his arms held me even closer, his hands smoothing up and down my back. I had forgotten how good this felt. Okay, honestly, not sure if it had ever felt this good before. It didn't seem real that something could feel as good as being in his arms again.

"I'm glad you're home," I muttered into his chest.

"So am I," he whispered back. "Not dark and twisty?"

"Bright and shiney at the moment," I said, honestly feeling just that way, feeling a smile spread across my face.

"Good. I love bright and shiney Meredith," he said, flipping me back onto my back.

"You do?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I do. And dark and twisty Meredith. And dull and lifeless Meredith. I just love Meredith," Derek said, smiling like crazy. "I love you."

I giggled slightly at my suddenly cheesy and emotional boyfriend. This was not the Derek that had gone to Africa. This was...I don't know what it was. But I enjoyed it, at least for now. "I love you too," I whispered. In the last twelve hours we had said those words more than I had ever before in my life.

And then he kissed me, with enough passion to make up for the last six months apart. His lips met mine bruisiningly hard, as he raised my head off our pillows, tangling my hair in his fingers. Our lips clashed together, as his hand found my naked breast. I let out a little gasp, giving him the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. His tongue explored my mouth, as his lips smashed against mine, still sore from the night before but it didn't really matter. He was kissing me. I brought his tongue further into my mouth, gently sucking it, causing a loud groan to escape from him and I could feel his body begin to harden. He tore his lips away from mine, leaving me breathing heavily as his lips began to play along my neck, sucking and biting gently along the way, causing small gasps to escape from my mouth, everytime he hit a spot that he knew far too well.

His lips eventually moved towards my chest, his hands falling lower so they rested on my expanded belly. The belly that Derek strangely found to be the sexiest thing ever, the belly that kept turning him on. "Ready for round..." he started to ask, trailing off, gently leaving a kiss on my upper chest.

"Six," I finished for him, surprised at how husky my own voice sounded. A seven month pregnant woman shouldn't be having this much sex. Right now, with Derek's head nestled in between my swollen breasts, I found myself not caring so much. This was worth any yelling Addison could give me. "And yeah, I'm ready."

His laughter reverberated against my chest, sending chills down my spine and making me squirm slightly, wanting to be closer to him already. "I thought so," he whispered.

God I was happy he was home.

**I have mixed feelings about this chapter. Part of me loves it...the other part not so much. I like the idea of it, not sure if I liked the writing of it. But oh well, it's up. I hope it's good enough to pass as my writing. It was cute...with some added heat. And they talked about stuff they needed to talk about. I just don't know. Blah. I think I liked it, just didn't love it.**

**This fanfic is now basically done. There is an epilogue to go up. And will be up later tonight. And yes it will answer all those questions...what sex is BabyShep? Who wins the bet? And all the other good stuff. You will not be left hanging. And that will probably definitely (95 certain) be up later tonight.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	21. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: This is the second time in a row I've written an update while watching my boyfriend play a video game. Although this time it's bowling on my brother's Nintendo Wii. And I'm sticking to my guns that GA writers don't write GA while watching people play video games. So Grey's is therefore not mine.**

**So this is it. This is the epilogue. And as much as I do love this story, I'm not all that sad to see it end. Because they all have to end eventually and this one has had a good run. And I have two other fics in the works that I'm really excited for. So this being done is okay. Really, it's okay. I'm not dissapearing, and yes you will miss this story but I promise you, you will fall in love with my new ones as well. Really...you will. **

**So this is...well I don't want to go into details. You'll see what happens in this chapter. It's from Derek's perspective.**

**Enjoy!**

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Galen Alexander Shepherd.

My son, my firstborn, my offspring was named after Alex Karev.

This was the price I had to pay for going to Africa. I had wondered after watching my perfect girlfriend give birth to our perfect son what my karma was going to be. I assumed that going to Africa gave me some form of bad karma. And I hadn't gotten any. Well until Meredith told me she wanted to name my firstborn after Karev. Karma sucks.

Of course according to Meredith, karma rocks.

Galen Derek Shepherd would have sounded fine.

At least I had won the bet. That was a small consolation for the fact my son was named after Alex of all people.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" I said, reaching Meredith's room. Addison had kicked us out hours ago, telling us that Meredith had had a long day and needed some rest. We all listened, even me. But now she wasn't resting, she was sitting up in bed, just smiling. The glow from the bedside lamp brought out the new mother glow even more. And that smile. She looked breathtaking. And tired.

"Shouldn't you be working?" she said, avoiding my question.

"Just finished," I said, as I threw my jacket on the chair beside her bed.

"And what are you doing?" she asked, staring at the discarded jacket instead of looking at me.

"I'm going to rest, which is what you're supposed to be doing," I said with a laugh, as I sat on the edge of her bed, kicking my shoes off.

Meredith realized what I was doing and panicked filled her eyes. She looked cute when she was panicking. "No you can't. You can't rest here. This is where I'm resting. And there's visiting hours, Derek. Visiting hours for visitors. You can't sleep here."

I probably shouldn't have laughed at her at that pointing. Laughing at your panicking girlfriend, who happened to deliver a child just hours before probably wasn't the best idea. But really, all she did was hit me, with those tiny ineffectual fists. Which hadn't gotten any more painful over the last few years. "Mer, do you want me to go home?" I asked, already knowing the answer to the question.

She pouted at me. "Addison is going to kill us," she muttered.

"I'm not afraid of Addison," I said, moving to lay down beside her.

I didn't expect her to pull away, but I didn't expect her to curl up as easily as she did. The second my head was against the pillow I found her moving towards my arms, finding the spot that she fit so well. It still shocked me to hold her. Never had anyone felt so right in my arms before. She belonged in my arms. I don't know how I lived my life before her or without her. I knew I could never do it again. She was it for me. Her and Galen were it for me.

"We're parents, Derek," she whispered into the dim light.

"Yeah we are," I said, trying to keep the fear out of my own voice. Truth was, I was amazed by my tiny son. And terrified of him. But Meredith did not need to know that.

"Wow," she whispered.

"Yeah, wow," I whispered back.

"He's going to look just like you," she said.

I thought back to the son I had just said goodnight to in the nursery. He had Meredith's nose, and appeared to have Meredith's tiny build. But besides that, he was me. His eyes were a clear blue, which I knew could change within days, but I hope stayed the same. It was like looking into my own. And his hair, he had so much hair. All dark brown and curly all over his head. And as far as either of us could tell he had my personality, silent and happy. I loved him. I would have loved him regardless but he was so mine that I couldn't help but love him even more. I didn't bother answering, just gave a small hum of agreement and pulled her closer to me. I didn't want to talk right now, I just wanted to hold my exhausted girlfriend in my arms and feel like I finally belonged somewhere.

We stayed like that for maybe minutes, maybe hours, the lamp lighting the small room as we rested in eachothers arms. She dozed off for a bit but I was far too much on a high to even think about sleeping. I was a dad. I was a dad. Finally, I was a dad. And the love of my life was the mom. Eventually she shifted in my arms and I knew she was awake.

"So I won the bet," I whispered softy, not wanting to disturb the quietness of the room.

"I knew that was going to come up," Meredith responded quietly, I could hear the laughter in her voice.

"I was just wondering when I start to cash in on it," I said, trying to sound innocent.

"Derek, you heard Addison's lecture on keeping it in your pants for a bit," Meredith said, sounding slightly amused.

Oh yes. That. It was always wonderful to hear a lecture about not having sex from your exwife just an hour after your first son was born. "That's why Addison is my ex-wife and you're my future wife."

"No that is why Addison's the baby doctor and you're the brain doctor," Meredith joked.

"So no sex?"

"Derek, I pushed a baby out of me just hours ago. A baby, as in a human being, larger than a football. I pushed a baby out of my vagina, which is generally quite a small area. A baby, Derek. There is no way anything, besides a tampon, is going up in that area any time soon."

"Soon as in?"

"Derek!" The only thing cuter than panicked Meredith was annoyed Meredith. Especially when Meredith knew she should be annoyed with me but was actually more amused than anything else. She got this cute little look on her face that was just too damn irresistable.

"I'm just thinking we should get some practice for making BabyShep Number 2," I said with a laugh.

She gave me a dirty look. Well beyond a dirty look. A look that made me contemplate transfering us to another hospital just to get her away from Cristina as it had to be where she picked up that look. "Oh, after pushing one human out of my va-jay-jay it's safe to assume that there won't be another BabyShep."

"Mer..."

"Do not Mer me. Push a 7 pound child out of a small hole in your body and then you can Mer me all you want," she said, starting to sound a little less amused and a little more annoyed.

"I would...'

But she cut me off. Apparently the post birth hormones liked playing with Meredith's system as much as the pregnancy ones had. "Oh that's what men say. So they can use their stupid penises to get more spawn."

I had to stifle back a laugh at that one. "Meredith, you're sounding like Cristina right now."

"Give birth and then see if you feel like sounding like Izzie. Especially when your horny boyfriend wants sex," Meredith said, sounding full blown pissed now.

I might have long ago earned the nickname of brainless brain surgeon but I knew when to let a subject drop. Besides I had seen my sisters give births too many times. I knew within days she'd be watching Galen discover the world and completely forget about the pain of today, or yesterday, not sure how long it had been now. And she'd want another before long. No point of arguing the point now. Not when I could be making her smile. "I don't want sex Mer. All I want is you."

Even in the dim light I could see the anger drain out of her eyes, but she kept her mouth in a not so happy pout. "Hmmm," was all she said.

"I love you," I whispered.

I knew that would win it for me. Her mouth relaxed. "I love you too."

I leaned over and turned off the lamp, leaving us in complete darkness. I pulled her close to me, feeling her body relax against mine. her head nestled into my neck, her hair filling my nose with lavender. I loved her so much. Even when she was slightly crazy. "I can't believe you named our son after Karev."

"Serves you right, McAfrica," she said with a laugh, her anger from minutes before forgotten.

I just laugh in response. My eyes begin to close. I knew I shouldn't sleep here. I knew Addie would give me a lecture in the morning. I know Webber would kill me if he saw me here. I knew that. But I didn't want to move. I didn't want to get up. I wanted to sleep here, right where I belonged, with Meredith.

"Der?" I hear her whisper just as I'm about to doze off.

My eyes pop open immediately, and I let out a small noise to let her know I'm listening.

"You're never going to leave us again, are you?" Her voice doesn't only sound quiet, but small as well, and my heart breaks a little for her. I hated being away from them, her and Galen. And I hadn't meant to do it. And I never would again.

"No Mer. I'm here. I'm right here."

**So the last chapter I wasn't a big fan of..this chapter I LOVE. And half of it wasn't even planned. But I have this Derek and Meredith in my head. And they're loud. And Derek in my head was really happy that he has a child, that it's a son. That he won the bet. So he was goofy. And Meredith just pushed a 7 pound person out of her vajayjay and is rightfully hormonal, so she's pissy in my head. At least got pissy when Derek was goofy. So it happened that way. But I love it. And I LOVE the last line...that last but. Love. Hahaha. So blowing my own horn on this one. But oh well.**

**As for the son's name...Galen...if you don't know Patrick's full name is Patrick Galen Dempsey. I love his middle name. So I used it. And Alexander because Alex was around to help out a lot, and George and Mark just sounded stupid with Galen. And just so you all know...so you don't think I made it a boy after everyone guessed girl...it was a boy from the beginning. The second I started this fic, it was a boy. I always knew Derek was going to win the bet.**

**So that's it. Yay! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I got for this fic. Thank you for believing in a story that was just a little different than everything I (or anyone else) has done. Thank you. I love you all. Thank you.**

**As I've said, there will be a sequel to this one. I have a couple of ideas. Not sure exactly when it's going to start. I have two other ideas I want to play with first (both completely AU) so I want to get started on that. Plus update Season 3 and finish off Christmas. Hopefully all will be at least touched upon tomorrow as I have nothing to do all by but clean my room. But a sequel will appear to this one...eventually. Wait for it. It will come. Lol. Not sure if it will be letters and IMs, or normal. I want to do letters. Just not sure how I will work it quite yet. We'll see.**

**Watch for my new fic...I'm All for Believing coming soon!!**

**Read. Love. Review.**


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